Living On A Prayer

There is a popular song made famous by the singer called Bon Jovi that I borrowed the title from this morning.

Part of the lyrics are as follows.

Chorus:
Whooah, we're half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

Now I do not normally listen to what we might call ‘worldly music’, but there is an  app for the iPad called Song Pop which I play with some of my online friends quite frequently and this song is a part of that game. You only hear a small bit of the song before you have to guess, and so I have heard the chorus as it is written above.

However, last night I woke up with the phrase ‘living on a prayer’ running through my mind. I haven’t played the game this week, so I thought it a bit odd of a song in my mind until I began to think on it more.

There is a powerful meaning in those words and it likely affects us all. In fact, if we are willing to admit it, most of us actually do live on a prayer.

Prayers

If we grew up in any kind of Christian home, we probably learned from an early age to say our prayers before we went to bed, and maybe to pray over our dinner as well. Today that small moment of time we give to God has all but disappeared in the lives of most people. And while at the time it was a cute, repetitive action to get us to acknowledge God or perhaps to ask for a blessing, it was in fact genuine for many.

The version most of us are aware of says,

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

But did you know the words were slightly different in an earlier version published in 1711?

When I lay me down to Sleep,
I recommend my self to his care;
when I awake, I give myself up to his Direction.

If we did give ourselves up to his direction, we would probably live a better life and not just be living on a prayer.

Living On A Prayer?

So, what does it really mean to be living on a prayer?

For most of us,  is means we are barely getting by. It might be because of health issues, or family stresses, but its likely that many of us think of living on a prayer as living paycheck to paycheck, nothing left over at the end of the week.

Perhaps it is due to a lack of a budget, or we don’t make an account of what we are spending,  and so if we see something we just by it. But it is also possible that we are getting by because the job we have doesn’t really support us financially.

I met a single mother yesterday while she was working in a local store. I do not recall how it all came up, but  she remarked how she was working seven days a week to take care of her small children.  I wondered if she even gets to see her kids, or how much she has to pay a babysitter to be able to work two jobs.

It is possible that a mother or family friend might watch the kids while she works since they realize that she is just getting by. But when it comes down to it, any bigger issue related to health or housing would devastate any sort of savings she might have. It is probably not a choice, but it has become a lifestyle due to need.

A lot of us are in the same boat; living on a prayer, hoping to just get by. It isn’t easy to live that way but many times we have no other choice it seems. Or do we?

Unanswered Prayers

Many times it seems that no matter how much we pray we do not see the answers.  If you have been praying for a situation for a long time and don’t see anything happening, do not feel alone. We all go through the same thing many times.

It can be very discouraging not seeing prayers answered and sometimes we have no idea why. We might blame ourselves, or perhaps think God is not interested in what we have to say, or some would say it just wasn’t meant to be.

Sometimes it might just be life, or perhaps it could even be a trial of our faith. However, I find myself asking is some of it because the only time we pray is when we are in need?

Prayers Answered

In James 5:16, the Bible says, ‘the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.’

Part of the problem with most of us praying is that we rest the power of prayer on ourselves rather than God. If we do not see results, we think we did not pray hard enough, or perhaps we are asking for the impossible. It doesn’t depend our methods or our ability but rather in Christ. It isn’t us that makes prayers happen. When we leave it in His hands and trust His timing, things will work out much better.

So what does fervent mean in this passage? It means do not give up on believing when we do not see the results expected or at the moment we thought we needed it.

In John chapter 11, we can read the story of the raising of Lazurus, one of Jesus’s friends from the dead. He grew sick and his sister Martha sent word to Jesus that if He would come and pray Lazurus would get better. It took four days for Jesus to get there and by the time He showed up Lazurus was dead.

Martha told Jesus, ‘if you had been here sooner, my brother would not have died.’  Her faith had been diminished because she thought that the answer was in just being there, when God had a better way to do it.  We can read the story and find out that Lazurus died so that the glory of God might be revealed. Again this goes back to believing in our own ability rather than in our prayers.

There is a great song about this story on YouTube. 

FOUR DAYS LATE

Timing is everything.  He is always on time.

Living On A Prayer

Noted theologian, Oswald Chambers said, ‘Prayer does not equip you for greater work;  it is the greater work.’

Many times we tend to think that our ability  or our righteousness is what brings the miracles. However, Jesus said if we have faith the size of a mustard seed mountains can be removed.

So what we really should be doing is living on  a prayer, but not in the way most people think.

We are commanded to pray. Not just to bring needs to God, but to have a constant communication with Him. If the only time we talked to our loved ones was when we needed something it would be a very one sided and selfish attitude.  It doesn’t bring us a smile when someone is all about themselves, or like a child throwing a tantrum when they don’t get their way, and in a way, that is the same thing with Christ.

Not saying that He punishes us by withholding prayers, but that He needs us as much as we need Him. He isn’t a free candy store. I know I am simplifying the situation considerably but hopefully you can understand what I mean.

In Matthew 6:9-13, Jesus gave us an example of how to pray.  While most consider this the Lord’s prayer, if we break it down and use our own words, it is an outline of how to get our prayers and needs answered.

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Before we even begin to ask, give Him the glory. Take time to let God know how much you appreciate Him being in your life. Show some love and some humbleness.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

In a nutshell, this part is saying. God have your way in my life and in every situation. Give Him the control of everything.

Give us this day our daily bread.

This is where we let Him know what we need. Ask what you have need of.  Matthew 7:7

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Asking forgiveness of what we have done wrong and also forgiving those who have done things that hurt or upset us as well. It is important that forgiveness goes both ways.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:

Keep us from messing up. Please give us protection. Do not let us fall into traps that cause ourselves or others harm.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.

Again,  give Him the glory, the praise, bless His name. Tell Him you love Him. Not just for what He has done but simply because He is.

Amen.

It is finished. That is my prayer God. Amen is like putting a stamp on a letter and mailing it. Or pushing send on a text or email.  It sends the blessings and the requests to God.

So What Does It Take?

Living on a prayer takes several elements to see results. But it is always worth it.

• A Need

• Consistency

• Faith & Trust

• Patience

• Praising

• A Thankful Heart

And then you will truly be Living on a Prayer.

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Who Are YOU?

The last Sunday of each month, I help out in Nursing Home ministries that my father leads. Today, at the start of his message he said something that struck me and I think you all need to think about it.

"Usually when we get up in the morning one of the first things we do is look at ourselves in the mirror. Why? What are we looking for? What do we expect to see? Do we expect to see anyone else? Do we look at the wrinkles and the hair loss or color change? What do we see?"

I thought about that during his message and on the way home today and I want to ask you, "WHO ARE YOU?"

Really!

WHO ARE YOU?

Think about that for a while. Do you know who you are?

Turn back the clock five years, ten years, twenty years. Think about the goals and aspirations you had back then, and what you expected out of life. Remember the good times and the bad times. Are you who you thought you would be five years ago? How about twenty years ago. What kind of person were you twenty years ago, and are you the same now?

I know that change can be good. Many of us are not what we expected to be. We are not living the life we thought we would have. But, is it better than what you had expected? Or has your life had many bumps and corners that have changed you? Is it a good change. Would the you from yesterday be satisfied with who you turned out to be?

Think about it.

Consider Samson.

He was born with a purpose. He was a Nazarite from birth. He had a destiny. It was laid out before him and he knew as a child what he was supposed to do. Most of us can say the same thing. We were born into a belief pattern, a vocation, or lifestyle and we never expected to ever deviate from that.

I remember so many times of how strong the anointing was in our churches when I was little, and even though I knew in my heart what God wanted of me, and was willing at the time, I really did not like the direction he was taking me when I was just a little bit older. But I was young. I didn't fully grasp the road I was on, and where I needed to be.

Life can come at you from all sides and before you know it, you are not who you were, or who you expected you would be. Sometimes that is a good thing. Most times, it is not good at all.

Samson thought he had it all together. He tormented the enemy. He would make fun of them, and he had the strength to do so. He made them an embarrassment among their own people, and he was only one man. He knew who he was, but more importantly, he knew who his God was, and he knew God would back him up.

Imagine tying the tails of foxes together and setting them on fire, and letting them run through wheat fields catching fire to the crops. What a destructive young man he was, but he was destroying the inquity of the time. Another time he took a bone from a donkey and slew thousands of the enemy. We are still talking about one man. Samson, destined with purpose, born to be a leader.

And then along came Delilah. Samson already had a promised bride. His plan was set forth before him, and a little bit of temptation got in the way.

Kind of like us right? We have a destiny planned before we are born; we have a purpose for being here, and yet...

In the beginning, Samson thinking he was something special toyed with Delilah too. He made fun of her, and was still destroying the enemies that came into his life. It wasn't a big deal. It wouldn't matter if he just looked, maybe touched it a little. He was still born a Nazerite. He was God's chosen.

And Delilah kept after him. He took his eyes off his destiny and looked at the temptation of what he could have, and he gave in to her seductive spirit.

I wonder how many of us grew up knowing our purpose, knowing who we were, knowing what we were raised to be? How did we get sidetracked? What was our Delilah? Ten years ago what was your expected life?

Some of us, we still act the same way we always did; just not as much. We still go to the places we used to go; as long as it is convenient. We still believe what we used to believe; unless some part of it bugs us.

Some of us grew up in families that go back generations of knowing plans, purpose, and destiny. I wonder what our grandfathers would think of the heritage we are leaving behind?

I imagine Samson thought the same thing when the enemy plucked out his eyes so that he could no longer see what was really good about life. Instead of making his own decisions, someone made them for him. He had no choice. He was the same as the oxen.

Do you ever wonder about blind people and food? Do they get tired of the same things over and over, or are they adventurous in trying new foods? They can appreciate the taste, the smell, the texture, but they don't get to see what they are eating, so they are forced to rely on someone else to make sure what they are getting is right and good.

Sin can blind us too. We take what we are given because we do not have a choice. We are forced to trust others to guide us and to lead us, to make sure we are okay. But like Samson, we end up trusting our enemy to make sure we are taken care of. Really? Five years ago, is this where you thought you would be tonight?

Now I realize not all change is bad. Some of it is very necessary for growth. Some of the things we leaned on when we were younger are no longer available to us, and we have been forced to change, to grow, to become who we are. But, ask yourself again, is this who you wanted to be?

Some of us when we were little wanted to be a fireman, cowboy, movie star, ballerina, etc. For most of us, those were hopes and dreams, but they were not based on reality. However, the bible says that 'while yet in our mother's womb, God knew us.' He knew the plan, the hopes, the dreams he had for our lives. He tried to direct us in those paths, but is that where we are?

I remember times in an altar at church camp where I wanted more than anything to have God's will, but sometimes I have thought is it worth it with all that I have been thru? There have been times where I wanted to run away, not just walk from the graces of God because the battle was just too much. I am sure it is the same for many of you who might read this.

There are things that we begged God for, or perhaps told God we would do in those moments of epiphany and whether or not we believe it now, we believed it then. Do we think God forgot our promises to him?

Sometimes, I feel like if we could only turn back time, do things a bit different, maybe this or that would not have happened. Sometimes, I wish I could go back and undo or change things I have done and maybe change the course of life I have been on. But we cannot. Am I who I expected I was going to be? No.

I am certain Samson thought many of the same thoughts we all did when he was blind and tied to the mill grinding out the meal. Not only was he forced to trust his enemy for his survival, he was forced to make food for them as well. Because of his decisions it changed the course of his life forever. From a leader to a slave. From the anointed to the lost. And all the time he toiled and I am sure cried out to God for forgiveness, he was mocked, laughed at, and treated like an animal by his enemy.

See, even before the enemy took his sight, Samson lost his vision, and it cost him everything. "If only I had not given in. If this had not happened... If only I could go back and do things different!" But it was too late. He regained his vision though that day he begged God to restore his strength. No, he couldn't see, but he caught sight of his purpose once again. He got lucky.

Some are not so lucky. Judas didn't find a place of repentance. Paul said, "Demos has forsaken me (truth) having loved this present world."

I don't mean to come across as judgemental, but look around you. I am sure each of us can look at someone we know and wonder, 'How did they get there? Why did they marry that person? Look at the mess their life is in!' What happened?

How about are own lives? Are we who we thought we would be? Are we proud of what we have become? Do we really know who we are, or have we become blinded by the enemy and we will continue as we are until it is too late?

I was talking to someone the other day about a friend of mind. I know they have been through some tough times, but what was so terrible for them to go to such a level as they have? What was it about their trial that took them down? I know that I personally have been through a lot that no one knows about, and yet I am still here, so what was it that destroyed them? I really want to know.

Was it just some morning they got up and looked in the mirror and did not know who was standing there looking back? Was who they saw not enough for who they wanted to be? Did they remember back to those times of deep committment and feel lost? I don't know. You don't know.

But, when you look in the mirror, ask yourself, "Am I who I expected I would be five years ago? Ten? Twenty? Is my life something I can be proud of and have no fear about? Is my future (children, shelter, lifestyle, needs) headed in a direction that I am comfortable? Who Am I?'

Who Are You?

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Consider the Source!

I find it amazing some times the comments and thoughts that get back to me based on something that was said by myself, or at times even when I have said nothing at all. How twisted some thoughts become when it does not fit into our own ideas about what a person is saying. At times their own paranoia, for lack of a better word, will drive a person to do or say things that at times will literally shock us. Usually it exudes from insecurities in our own lacking that will make us say something about others. Whether or not what is said or not does not really matter if it is not ours to share then we should keep it to ourselves.

"And when she was baptized, and her household, she besought us, saying, If ye have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come into my house, and abide there. And she constrained us. And it came to pass, as we went to prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination met us, which brought her masters much gain by soothsaying: The same followed Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation. And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour. Acts 16:15-17"

Now some would say what was wrong with what this lady said? Nothing. What she had to say was entirely truthful. However, this lady was known for spreading rumors, talking to spirits, backbiting, and in general she was a troubled spirit. She had said so many things that her following the ministry around caused doubt, simply because she had a habit of spreading it thick. It would have been the same in our day as talking to the pyschic hotline.

Most of us have enough common sense to realize that 'psychics' on 900 numbers are for entertainment purposes only, but some get so caught up in 'psychic babbling', horoscopes, or what so and so says, that we would believe anything that proceeds out of their mouth. John 8:44 says, "When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." This is talking about Satan, but in fact almost all lies have a grain of truth in them, and at times we overlook or excuse the lie for reasons of our own choosing. Excuses can work the same way.

Years ago, my former pastors wife used to say something like, "an excuse is just the skin of the truth wrapped around a lie from the devil." And she was exactly right. However many times the reason we buy into what is said is because of the individual who said it. We have a common bond with this person and so we automatically assume that because we know them, it must be truth. Unfortunately, all of us from time to time tend to elaborate or embellish and what may have been true, no longer is.

And then there are those who are so hungry for a juicy morsel, that they will believe anything anyone says, and the other side of that issue is that there are some well meaning who are so afraid of controversy that they tell everyone what they think they need to hear. I think in some respects it is to make themselves look good, but generally it is because 'I didn't want you to feel bad.'

One of the biggest issues that drives others away from God is the rumors or accusations they hear from people in the church they attend. It doesn't even matter if what is said is truth or not, people get hurt by it. I was talking with someone just a few days ago who was consoling a wounded soul because another individual was telling her husband that the pastor said not to talk to his wife anymore because they are trouble. First off, the pastor would not have said something like that and expected it to be spread to the husband of the woman who it was supposedly about. Yet, the very source of the comment, who if there was any trouble it was from her, went so far as to tell anothers mate the gossip. Seriously? I have heard people say when this one or that one no longer comes back to church that 'they must not have loved God like I do.' It is incredibly sad when we think it is ok to make judgements on others lives based on what we think our spiritually level is. 99% of the time we are wrong.

Now I realize not everyone spreads gossip. Not everyone is a talebearer. But how often do you hear something about a person and wonder if it is true? Or even if you do not think it is true, you still have doubts in your mind, and it colors your impression of that person. It can directly affect that persons life, and it most certainly will have an effect on that persons ability to grow. Words hurt; even true words hurt. And most usually the hurt extends further than we could even imagine.

What is said may affect many people for eternity. So why do we listen to what is said about others? Aren't we just as guilty for listening as those who spread rumors? Doesn't the bible say 'believe a lie and be damned?' And yet, we base our belief based on relationship with the person without 'trying the spirit' when what we should be doing is stopping the conversation because if it involves anything that may injure or otherwise change our perception of a person then it is wrong. It may cost a soul. More than likely it will cost more than one, and how will it affect you personally?

Mark Twain said, "He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.” And sadly, as Will Rogers said, "the only time people dislike gossip, is when the gossip is about them." Gossip is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, but we should always consider the source.

Something to think about, The Beatles rock band George Harrison said, "Gossip is the Devil's radio." So where are you getting your news?

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What is a LIE?

Over the past several weeks, I have been faced with situations that I am sure well meaning people thought they were protecting me, but in fact they didn't tell me the truth. That is a LIE!

Somehow, we have gotten the idea that when we know things, even if we are not sure if they are true, we tend to let it out to someone thinking that the way to fix everything is to tell other people. This only spreads the rumors and makes the individuals affected hurt and upset. It does nothing to correct the situation.

So what exactly is a lie?

If you hear something and it doesn't come direct from the individual involved, whether it be good or bad then there is a chance that the information is not correct and therefore, that is hearsay and could in fact be a lie.

There are times when we hear something, but by the time we tell it, it is expanded on some and then the person we tell adds their own take on what they heard from us, and by the time it gets back to those involved it is completely not the truth. That is a lie.

I know that sometimes we realize people will get hurt if they knew what was said about them behind their back, and so we keep it to ourselves, and let the rumors continue, rather than telling the person saying it that they need to stop and they need to talk to the actual individuals involved so that the are aware of whats been said. If we do not, then we are helping to circulate and adding to the fire and perhaps causing detrimental actions to those involved, because we allowed a lie to continue.

I realize there are many circumstances where we would prefer not to get involved, but instead of taking it to the person who it is about, or, telling the person who is saying that they need to stop, then we just allow it to continue. That makes us just as guilty of the lie. We think we are doing someone a favor by not being forthcoming, but in fact, we are more concerned with how others may view us, and in turn we generally really hurt someone who loves us.

More than 90% of lies are generally started by friends or family, and usually it is meant to bring harm to someone.

So why am I bringing this up?

The Bible says, ALL liars shall have their part in the lake of fire.

Yet, somehow we have this idea that it wasn't a big lie, I did it to protect you, it would have hurt worse if you knew, so... how can we not realize then, that what we are doing is still a lie? It doesn't matter the size of the lie, or whether we were doing it for someone's benefit, or thinking it was our way of showing we care, it is still a lie. And ALL liars shall have their part in the lake of fire.

I know lies come in all shapes and sizes and sometimes we don't even realize that we are lying. So, I have compiled a list of lies below for your reference. See if any apply to you?

If you hear something and have not verified it, be it good or bad, and you tell anyone else, then it is a lie.
If you tell someone, you are, or will be somewhere and you are not, or don't show up when you said, then that is a lie.
If you pretend to be something you are not, so that people will think better of you, or less even, then you are lying.
If you say you will do something and you do not then you are lying.
If you act like you are younger than you are, or older than you are lying.
If you well meaning to not tell someone the whole truth about what is affecting them, or even your own life, that is a lie.
If you say I am fine, when the reality is your life is a mess, or you don't feel well, and you think its a way to keep people from thinking you are not a whiner, then you are a liar.
If you say it doesn't matter when someone does something to hurt you, but in your heart or in secret it upsets you, then you are lying.
If you say you made so much, when the truth is you made less or more, then you are lying.
If you don't want to offend someone or hurt their feelings, so you don't tell them what you know, that is a lie.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. We have this idea that only the lies that we tell knowing full well that we are lying is wrong. But that is A LIE!

So, when you get where you are going, and you stand there thinking you are ok, knowing full well that you did some of the above, do not be surprised when you go the other way, because you believed a lie, and all liars, and those who believe lies shall be damned. Look it up, it is in there. And that is not a lie.

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Bring Back Truth and Holiness! Or Get Out Of The WAY!

I admit, tonight I am angry. In times past, some have told me I am too angry to be 'apostolic.' That somehow I shouldn't rock the boat or that I am trying to bring division. And on some level they may be right. However, there is a pervasiveness happening amongst our faith that is sickening and I feel like vomiting all over their shoes.

We like to be passive in our relations with others rather than standing up for what we believe. We think somehow if we keep being nice and play the game that somehow people will be won to Christ. Meanwhile our churches, our fellowships, our homes are filled with lies of the enemy and we serve God out of convenience rather than duty and honor. Even if we do win a few, how long will it be before they are just another face in the crowd as we line our pocketbooks?

The past several months I have been faced with trials that have seemed insurmountable. If it had not been for a few online friends, I may have succumbed to the pressures of life. I don't really have friends left in the church I attend, with the exception of a few who are related by marriage or such like. Even they have grown quiet rather than stand up and say the changes happening are wrong. I have sought solace with a few online who have seemed to be dedicated and true. I have spent countless hours being a friend to those who have been hurting and in turn being lifted myself. But I find myself seething tonight as I find out most of what I was led to believe was lies.

I want to say tonight in all sincerity, that it doesn't matter how much you drop in the offering plate. It doesn't matter if you sit on the front row of your church and dance everytime the music plays, or shout and amen the preacher. If you do not live the life when you leave that building, or you lie to your brother or sister, even the small lies, then you are not right with God.
It is a sad commentary the stories I am hearing from so-called friends who want to serve God, live holy, and even raise their children up right, but when they are faced with indecision or something hurts their feelings, their holiness and truth goes out the door. They give in to the pressures of life simply because they think they can repent later and that God will be okay with it all. We seem to forget that while it is true God is a God of Love, He is also a Consuming Fire!

Our spirituality means nothing if we play the piano on Sunday but do not dress, act, or live holy the rest of the week. We can sing and shout and run the aisles, but if we think we are fooling those around us, we really aren't. And God is not fooled at all.

How can you talk about how much you love the Lord, but cannot wait until you meet so-and-so, and when you do you excuse your behavior as an accident? The bible says emphatically not to lie. It also says "he that knoweth to do right, and doeth it not, to him it is a sin." Yes, I realize some of the doctrines we have held up as truth are only our personal convictions and we cannot back up with scripture. However, I have seen so many compromises over the past several years that have been swept under the rug. And while it may be true that this or that is not a sin, when we have let down on what we have believed or been taught in the past there is a destructive spirit that has come into our midst. The church is no longer a place of refuge but a social gathering.

I say in the fear of God, that if we do not get our act together and quickly, then the fire of God will refuse to fall upon our minstries and He will take his spirit from us. We are kidding ourselves if we think we are what we are supposed to be. Mark it down, judgement is going to come to the house of God. It just depends on whether we are staying holy or in the way of the move God wants to bring to his church.

There is a reason the scripture is in the bible that says "two will be in the field, one will be taken and the other left, two will be grinding at the wheel, and one will be taken and the other left, two will be in the bed, and one will be taken and the other left." Somehow, we have forgotten that the easiest sin to do is to lie. It comes when we make excuses for our behavior, or when we get caught doing something we know we shouldn't, or when we pretend to befriend someone, all the while knowing we are only friends because we want something from them. The second easiest is apathy. That word simply means we don't care enough about what is happening around us to do anything about it. We cover it up by saying. "We are praying for you," or "let God handle it." Truthfully, we know usually that something isn't right, or that we are complacent, but it is too much of a bother to do anything, so we sit and grow lukewarm. There is a possibility we will regain our fire, but the person on the pew next to you may not. I guess that is okay with us.

I wonder what would happen in our churches, if God took the blinders off our eyes and we could see every sin that each individual, in the pews or the pulpit, has in their life, floating over their head. Would we scream? Would we still listen to our pastor? Would we run from the church in terror that everyone knows my sins? Or would we run to the altars and take those next to us with us?

I know in my own life, I am far from perfect. There are things in my life that I struggle with and that I desperately need God's help with. However, I am so sick of phonies and pharisees, that I have come to the determination that I am going to do something to change things. I realize I will not be popular, and most will hate me most likely. But something has to change. It has to return to the values and principles that were ingrained in us, when we first found God.

We don't need new programs or methods to reach the lost. What worked in the past, still will work. We don't need new songs, because the songs we sing are outdated and boring. If God blessed and the power fell back then, it still will when the sisters cries unde the anointing as she sings. We don't need to add strobe lights, and rock bands to our churches to get the young people involved. We need to teach them respect for the house of God and get them in the prayer rooms on their knees where we should be too.

It seems to me as the size of our congregations grew, and as we replaced those hard wooden pews with padded seats, we also padded our message and we pushed God out the door. Bloody, disgusting truth of what happened on Calvary has been replaced with a pasteurized version that everyone can swallow. Basically, we have put makeup on our ministry and sexed up our religion.

But, it isn't the prettiest saint that is going to be the first in line thru those pearly gates. It is the pure and undefiled before God that are going to be the only ones making it in. Truth is not a multiple choice decision. It is either truth, or it is a lie. We need to get back to core values, spending as much time in prayer and bible reading as we do in paying attention to the news or to our favorite tv show or even novel. Actually, if we spent half as much time in serving God, as we did in other things, we would see a revival that would shake our world.

Someone is going to do it. Is it going to be you? Is it going to be me? If you cannot stand living holy and doing the right thing, then step aside, because it is coming and if you aren't part of it, you will be run over. So get in it, or get out of the way.

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Struggling...

Sleep has been fleeting lately; partly because I haven't felt well, partly because there are things that are disturbing me. My nights for the most part leave me with more questions than answers.

For many, I am sure the situation is very similar. There are decisions we have to make in our lives, and the thoughts we are bombarded with have grown astronomical in size. It seems impossible to go on, and yet, impossible to keep up the fight. My soul cried out in anguish in the middle of the night. The loneliness, the feeling of rejection, and the doubts that can enter our mind in the midst of the battle.

It seems there is something different in the air, and while I cannot place my finger on it, it troubles me deeply. I am sure could attribute it to my health, my family, or perhaps the changes that are about to take place in my personal life. But to me it seems like more than that. I find myself tonight questioning God.

Why does this or that happen? Why does it seem like some with little thought for God prosper while others whose main desire is to live for God and do his will, seem to be bashed around like driftwood in the sea?

I am bewildered at the precipice my life seems to be hanging on, and yet deep inside me I know I have to hang on for just a little while more. I do not understand why God doesn't come with a vengence. I do not understand why he lets the righteous suffer, while the unrighteous seem to get away with everything. It seems like the entire church world has gone cold in spirit, including us, and yet instead of banding together and praying as a body, we go our seperate ways standing alone in the midst of it all. It isn't supposed to be like this.

I know I am not alone in my feelings. I know many are struggling with the why me's, the please Lord's, and the hopelessness that seems to be abounding. We are told in our churches that we just need to pray, hang on, hope, or some other cliche, while in our hearts we are emotionally bleeding out. We don't want to continue going to church. We don't want to fellowship with each other. We don't want to try and help a brother or sister out. We have become shallow in our respect for each other, and it is filtering down to our children and their respect for us and God.

But, no one seems willing to step up an do anything about it. Everyone seems afraid they will get their hands dirty if they stoop to lift a brother. The bible says if the righteous scarcely be saved, wherewith shall the unrighteous. Yet, we have closed our hearts, our minds, and yes our wallets to the work of God.

And it seems God has walked away from us as well.

Tonight I remembered a song Sis. Mickey Mangun used to sing. I tried to find a copy of it online but was unable. But essentially a few lines say;

"Only the sound of the trumpet
keeps me from going home
If things had been left up to me
I'd have been gone a long time ago
I am ready to fly away,
oh so anxious for the rapture day,
everything is in order
my record is straight,
Can't anybody understand?
I just can't wait . . ."

I truly feel that way tonight. I do not want to be a part of this anymore. I want to go where I am welcomed with open arms. I want to know that when I am in the supermarket, that friendly christian faces smile when they see me. I want to hear my phone ring when I am missing service, or even when I am not to someone inviting me to have dinner at their house. I want to hear laughter and joy as we gather together in fellowship with those who believe the way we do. I want to come together in God's house in one accord and see the mighty masjesty of his anointing fall. It never seems to be that way though.

We go about our lives to preoccupied with where we have to be; what we have to get done; how we must succeed in our jobs, schools, lives, until there isn't room for anyone else to feel welcome.

And yet, some do not understand why I want to go home? I am tired of the lonely nights. I am tired of pouring myself out on the altar only to find just a few days later it wasn't enough for the trials I must face that day. I have been in this fellowship of believers for entirely too long to feel unwelcome. I am tired of politics rearing its ugly head in our ministries. I am tired of a little praise and worship being enough. And I am wondering if I feel this way, then what about the new convert? What about those struggling who have only been in church for a little while? What about those who have been longing for God, yet cannot find him?

We used to be the storehouse of mercy. We used to be known for friendship and fellowship, when fellowship wasn't about just going to Applebees after service. We used to be looked at as peculiar in our dress, mannerisms, and worship. I remember years ago a message being preached, and the speaker spoke of going with some of the saints door knocking. He knocked on an elderly lady's door to invite her to church, and her question to him was "Do you still preach it like you used to?"

Now we are more caught up in personality and programs. It is about whose (pastor) church we go to instead of where we worship. It is about hearing this one or that one preach and the excitement we feel when they come to where we are, when the bible says the gifts were poured out to all who believe. Are they the only ones who still have enough faith to see God move. Do we need to take another offering to support this or that cause, when we have people going to hell on the church pews?

I am certain some would think I am too critical, or that I have lost touch, or my burden isn't where it ought to be. But my heart is grieving for what we were. My mind is overwhelmed with the ground we have lost in our desire to do the right thing. It seems like we have lost our focus on what really matters, and yet you wonder why I do not want to be here anymore?
I have heard for almost fourteen years how no one really understands the trial, but that somehow I have to find faith to believe that this battle I am struggling with shall pass, or at the very least, when I see glory I will understand why I must endure. I have heard the accusations of lack of faith and even rebellion when my body was writhing in pain, and when my spirit was broken, if I questioned the situation I found myself in.

I know it is not about the trial. I know it is not significant in the greater scheme of things. I know that someday things will be better. However, I am also looking at the destruction of those I hold dear to my heart. I am seeing those who at one time were strong in faith, falling like flys who have been sprayed with a toxic fog. I am hearing the cries of backsliders in the night, and the calloused echo of 'if they really loved God' makes me want to hurl.

We have to find some way of getting back to where we need to be. I know that all the past was not good, but there were many ministries we did just a few years ago that worked. Now they are tossed aside as not in keeping with today's world. We have become focused on the technological aspects of church, more than the pure and undefiled worship of almighty God.

So I am asking God, why? How much longer should you tarry til we all are lost? How many more have to slip from the bounds of grace until there is no hope left and they go out into eternity lost without you? How much more shall we endure before you step in and say "enough?"

Can these bones live? Lord, only thou knowest. But please bring the wind again, or blow your trumpet, so we can go home.

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Is This It?

Many nights lately I have woken up in the middle of a fitful sleep with a burden and a lot of questions.


We see changes in the weather that are unprecedented with destruction and grief. Just this morning there was a huge earthquaking shaking Japan; last week a torndao slammed a direct hit on a boy scout camp in Iowa, to say nothing of the rampant water, rain and destruction as homes are swept away in the seemingly unending storms. I cannot recall in my short life when there has been so many wild storms that appear out of nowhere and leave many homeless, tired, and broken in their wake.


In the past few weeks, the courts have approve of gay marriage, shut down the trials of some of those responsible for the devestation on 9/11, and one judge was removed from a case because it was found the evidence in the case he was administering was on his own personal website and it dealt with child pornography. Crazy people shooting up schools, a bottling plant was the last place two women spent time yesterday and last week two little girls out for a walk were gunned down by an unknown assailant.


We have a well known celebrity who has decided she is 'her own personal god' and she has a force life around her drawing the masses into her delusions. She is backing the first african american president our country has seen whose theme has become change is coming, and he has so many skeletons in his closet it seems a new one falls out every day. There is a lack of concern and respect for each other that is unseen in our lives.


My soul is stirred and broken over the mess we have gotten ourselves into, and it appears there is no hope for America, our world, or even our very souls. Someone mentioned the other day that there is a suicide every 15 seconds somewhere; souls going to a devil's hell without the answers they needed.


At times, I wonder where are the preachers, prophets, and those who have been given the keys to winning the battles of life. I stop and look in the mirror because how can I cast stones when I sit idly by as the crushing blows of sin takes its toll and another soul is destined for hell.


Gone are the days when men and women would labor in the altar for souls long after the last amen and people were walking out the doors of our sanctuaries. We talk about soul winning, we raise funds for missions, but in the end we sit on the pew through a few songs, jot down a note or two, maybe clap or even raise our hands and shout with the preacher and walk out into the world dying around us oblivious to the loss and pain others are feeling.


Our songs have become about the beat and the repeated phrases written by many who have yet to know God, and we wonder in our own minds if the 'truth' we have preached for so many years is really that important because the church down the block is filled to capacity and they are building a cathedral to dishonesty and delusions rather than stop people in their tracks with what the Bible really says.


We have become a social place to gather together on Sunday Morning and feel passified in our self righteousness and portions of praise all the while saints, youth, and children on the pews who really need to get the message are going to hell on the pews. Our ministers don't preach the heart-wrenching soul shaking messages that they used to. They preach a sermon they found online or in a book and feel like they have done their duty. It is about grace and mercy and how God can forgive, and he does, but is that enough to make us ready for heaven? I miss the cross and the shame and reproach my master bore for my own personal sins.


I know the messages have to burn with inside us; they do in me, but they don't seem to make it from our hearts to our mouths and we wait on someone else to be stirred with desire for the lost so we don't feel guilty about our dwindling attendance. It isn't really our fault people have little love for the message anymore is it?


Do we even remember? The power packed sermons where saints and sinners alike ran from their pews to the altar shaking under the anointed word of God; the lady in the corner wailing in intercession; those slain in the spirit strewn across the floor of the church, lost in his spirit. And when we left and went home we were tired from the burdens we left at the altar but our spirits were refreshed from the power we felt, and we went to bed knowing we had been with almighty God.



Man, I miss those days. I know many say they have great services, and some I am sure do feel the power of God like they used to. However, there are many churches where if Jesus was to walk into the service he would wonder why we spend so much time on fundraising and decor, and why we are dressed to impress everyone we meet, but our eyes have not seen tears of empathy and worship of the one who really we should worry about impressing.


I know several ministers who have just quit. They don't preach, they don't always even show up to church, and some have backslid forgetting the very messages they used to scream from the pulpit. Can God be happy about what we have become? Should we? We get so caught up in personality and the appearances of holiness, but our hearts our empty and we just stumble through life unaware that the spirit has left.


We do need change. He is coming, and He is coming soon.


The Bible says in the last days men's lives will quake for fear. Our mental hospitals are full of depressed Christians popping pills because the power of God is not enough anymore.


The Bible says there will be signs in the heavens and in the earth. How much more disaster, famine, earth shaking situations can we go through?


The Bible talks about wars and rumors of wars. Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, .... need I say more?


Men have become lovers of self more than lovers of God. We worship things more than the creator. We invest our time, our energy, our money in the next big program, when He is crying out, "Why am I not enough?"


Yes, He is coming. It doesn't matter if our church has one person, or 5 million. He is coming again. The mission is not about how many we have, although we need to take everyone we can. Our duty is to just really do the best we can to reach the lost. One soul won is better than 10,000 you haven't spoken to, one soul going down in his name shakes the very heavens.


He is coming back soon. Are we ready? Or are we going to keep wandering through life and someday find out we never made it either? He that winneth souls is wise. Look to the skys and ask yourself "Is this it, and what do I have to show for it?"


Lord Jesus forgive us and help us to bless you with our compassion and passion.

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