I Came To Your Church Today

It was another stormy day. I decided I would go to church anyway, because I wanted to be amongst those I loved.

When I got to the building, the service had just started. There was no usher to greet me, but I figured they were busy seating someone else, so I would wait my turn. 

I could see through the window, happy faces, and some who were frowning, but most everyone had found a place to sit. Surely, someone would come and let me in. After a little bit, I knocked on the door. I waited patiently, but no one came.

I could faintly hear the music playing, and see the leader of the service waving his arms and singing a lively tune and much of the crowd joined in. A couple people toward the back kept talking and shaking their heads, but I figured perhaps they were new, and didn’t understand what was going on.

I had been to this church before in the past and was warmly embraced and made to feel at home. But it wasn’t that way today. Instead I stood out in the cold, with the wind howling around me. Shivering a bit I pulled my clothes tighter around me and knocked a bit harder. Surely, someone would hear me.

I saw a few people raising their hands, and the music stopped for a bit. I knocked again hurriedly. I assumed that maybe they hadn’t heard me over the music before. The leader at the front was nodding, and speaking and pointing at different ones near the front. Then everyone stood up, and a bit of murmuring could be heard. Ahh, they were praying. Okay, maybe I will wait just a little bit longer. I don’t want to interrupt them praying for their needs.

Then everyone sat down, and three ladies in bright colored dresses came to the pulpit. One talked a bit, and then they began to sing. I could hear the organ playing over the sound of the words, but I knew they were singing a special song. A few people raised their hands, a couple clapped, and I saw one lady in the back pull out her nail clippers and begin to work on her left hand.

One small face peered at me over the pew, smiled a bit and turned to the man beside him and said something, and looked back at me again. The man didn’t turn his head. The ladies finished their song, and the leader was back at the front.

Hey, there go the ushers, up to the front. Surely one of them will see me this time.  They bowed their heads briefly, and then walked down the aisles, right toward me, but they stopped at the pews, took up the offering and then went back to their seats.

Then a lady got up, I guess she must have been the leader’s wife. She was pointing to a place on a map, and talking and talking, and then she had everyone stand and they prayed again for a moment and sat back down and continued their program.

I figured it couldn’t hurt, so I knocked again once more.  No one seemed to hear me. The leader went back to the pulpit, opened up his Bible and read a few scriptures, and began to speak. I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, it was sort of muffled, but he must have been very direct in what he was saying because his face was red, and with his right hand he was pointing at the crowd and gesturing a lot. He looked back toward me but must have been too caught up in what he was saying to  see me standing there.

Wait, a moment a lady and a little boy are walking directly toward me. Finally, someone heard me knocking. The little boy looked right at me. The lady had to see me. She was coming right this way. No. She turned just past the door and went into another room near the water fountain.  I will wait  just a bit longer for her to come back out. 

The little boy comes out first and starts walking down the hall. The lady comes out hurriedly and catches up to the little boy and grabs his hand. They didn’t open the door for me. They surely had seen me? Maybe they were too busy.

The leader at the front is motioning to people. Some are standing up and walking toward the front. Most are turning to each other, grabbing their coats and talking.  I realize I have stood here all morning and the service is now over. Pretty soon people will be leaving and I never got to spend time with them.

They already had their programs, their singing, their offerings, their speaker, and their prayer.

I came to your church today, but no one let me in.

I wonder if I came to your house instead, someone would answer the door?

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.  Rev. 3:20

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Is It Well With Your Soul?

I woke up thinking about a very popular  Christian hymn a few days ago and it has caused me to reflect on areas in my own life and to ask myself the topic of this message. ‘Is it well with my soul?’

 

The first stanza of this hymn is as follows:

 

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

 

Trials and tests are going to come in all of our lives. It is a given that not everything is going to work out the way we hoped or planned. There will be bumps in the road. There will be winds blowing trees down in our yard. There will be circumstances that will get all out of control and will leave us wondering, ‘how can this happen?’ The lightning will crash around us, the rain and hail will pound at our dwelling place; it is a fact, there will be storms.

 

But most of what happens is just wind and noise. It is not meant for our destruction but rather for changing the atmosphere.

 

We can attempt to protect every part of our lives but we cannot control the storms or when they take place. It is simply a part of this journey through life.

 

How Do You See The Battle?

 

The giant had come to terrorize the Children of the Most High.  He led the Philistines against the Israelites  with the intent of causing as much fear and carnage as he could.  And he was succeeding. Not because he had a better army or he was so big that he could not be beaten but because of the fear that gripped the minds of the Israelite army. Even their own leader who was said to stand head and shoulders about everyone else,  was afraid to stand up to the giant.

 

He was too big. He would take everything. He would play games with us and feed us to the dogs. It was too big of  a battle, so instead of taking on the giant, they cowered in fear. The battle was just too big.

 

But then a little shepherd boy enters the scene. He has already fought some other adversaries and won a few battles. When he was out there tending to the sheep, he faced off with a lion and a bear to keep the sheep safe. He knew that most enemies were only as big as their bark. And when he came to visit his brothers in the Israelite camp, he could not comprehend what kind of battle could make the mighty army hide in fear. Instead of running away with them, or hiding because of the situation, he decided it was worth taking on the battle.

 

He grabbed a few rocks, picked up a slingshot, and went to do battle against the giant. He knew that he could succeed because he was not controlled by his circumstance. We all know the story.  He spoke to his battle, aimed a stone, and took out the giant. When the rest of the crowd saw what happened they all of  a sudden became emboldened to fight off the rest of the enemy. The enemy never even knew what hit them. And the battle was won. The difference was not that the battle became easier, but that they saw it through a new vision.

 

 

Who Is In Charge?

 

A lot of people will just go with the flow. Nothing seems to bother them. It looks like they are the smartest ones, because regardless of what happens, they seem unfazed.  Wherever the river takes them is where they are going to end up. Some people will hesitate to step into the water at all because the idea of the waves and the rocks, and the corners seem to be out of control. It is scary and too big of a task to take on. And then there are those who pick up a paddle, chart a direction, and despite the rapids, the rocks, the water coming over the bow, they determine where they are headed.

 

We have a choice. We can either let circumstance dictate how life goes for us and react when we face situations, or we can take charge and be determined and let our lives control the way we react to the battle.  It is not that some have bigger battles, or that others are so much stronger but rather the way we react and the way we adjust to the things that life throws at us.

 

Sure it is easy to go with the flow, but you always have to adapt to where life and circumstance takes you. You can keep from making the hard decisions because it just seems too hard, or you can figure out what you want and plot a course to get you there.  Why settle for something less than what you want, when a little patience and you will get what you desired. 

 

I had a situation like that myself this week. I have been wanting a new couch. I checked sources online and locally. I knew what I wanted.  And then I went into a local store and a big sale sign caught my eye. I checked out the couch that was on sale even though it wasn’t totally what I had in mind.  The salesperson measured it for me, told me they could make me a good deal. I thought about it, walked away, but then came back later that day to get it. I thought  I had found  something I could live with. It wasn’t what I wanted but it was good enough. It had potential.

 

However, when it was delivered and set up, it was too big for the room. I could not maneuver around it. I couldn’t figure out a way to move my other furniture around to make it work.  I had paid cash, so I was stuck with something that didn’t fit my needs, and if I had only waited a few more days, I might have found exactly what was right for me. I let my impatience, and desire for something to fill the void sway me.

 

 

Possibilities, Turns, and Destination

 

If we are afraid to trust it becomes impossible for us to reach our goal.  If we just go along with whatever life throws at us we will come to a destination, but its not likely to be where we expected or wanted.  We need to plan what we want to happen and move toward that goal to end up where we want. We will for sure have twists and turns along the way. We may get knocked down and the waves may crash over us, but we will get there. It will happen. We just have to trust that it is all going to be okay.

 

That is what faith is all about.

 

We cannot let circumstance or trials and test control us. Sure we cannot plan for everything that will come along but we can be prepared to accept what we cannot change and stand  firm in our goal until we reach it. If God has promised, it will come to pass.  He will not hold back  the blessings He has promised. But there are moments we have to shield ourselves or use our own abilities to control the direction we are headed in. Yes, God is in control but he still gives us free will in what we choose to do. ‘He is faithful that has promised.’ Hebrews 10:23

 

But we have to remember if what we want does not seem to be happening when we want, we will have another chance.

In life we get many chances to chart a new course, change direction, and be restored if we have been knocked off our course. Get back up; dust yourself off; try again.  However, when it comes to our soul we only get one chance.

 

 

Is It Well With Your Soul?

 

The bible says, ‘behold I come quickly and my reward is with me.’  While our lives can have many ups and downs and change directions many times, our soul has only one opportunity to reach its destination. There are other final destinations it can reach but wherever it ends up, it stays. There is no other chance to change course. So I ask again, ‘Is it well with your soul?’

 

If you take a look at your life and the things that you hold dear; if you recall the way you have treated others; or those moments in life where we all do not make the right choices or say the right thing; the people we have hurt either intentionally or unintended and never even so much as said sorry? Is it well with your soul?

 

Maybe there are areas in our life we wish we could have a do over, or a mulligan and we have failed to take a moment to talk to those who might have been hurt by our insensitivity  or at least repent. Have we done what we should.  Now I realize not all of us ‘sin’ the big sins, but the one that is most overlooked is self righteousness.  It seems we gloss over the neglecting of the elderly and the infirm, the poor and the lost. We all have areas in our lives where we can do better, change course before it is too late. Make it well with your soul. One chance is all we get.

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He Came Unto His Own

The last few weeks my life has been different. No, it may not be noticeable on the surface, and some who believe they know me well might not even catch it, but something happened recently to change me.

I do not think I am a better person, or that somehow I have reached a greater plateau but one morning a few weeks ago,  I had an experience that wakes me up in the night.

I grew up in church. There were times I even fell asleep on the pew. Good times, and a few times where I didn’t really want to be there, but there are lingering memories of days gone by that molded me into the person I am today.  Is that a good thing? I am not sure some days. I am human and I have my faults, but there beats within my heart a purpose that regardless of how I feel at any given moment, I know where I belong.

I have heard the sermons of the prodigal son, the good shepherd, and the crucifixion. My eyes have been swollen with tears as my mind painted a vivid picture of Christ hanging on the cross. I saw the beating of those thirty nine stripes across his back for my healing, and at times I do not understand why I struggle with health issues because I know the power in each of those blood spattered scars upon his back.

I have heard the wails of an old saint burdened down in intercession for a lost soul. Maybe it was their child, their husband, or perhaps just the burden for the lost was so intense the moan came not just from their lips but from the utter depths of their soul.

But did any of it change me?  Yes, to a large degree I have lived my life in the shadow of the cross. I have been the good child, that never really desired to stray to far from the altar. I wanted to be about ‘my Father’s business.’

Growing up in a pastors home was not an easy life. Back then, pride was not allowed, and a self-righteous spirit would have been quickly scolded. We were taught respect for the House of God, as well as the ministry. And if we took the name of Jesus in vain, well if we didn’t get a stern look, the shame we felt later when we were closing our eyes to sleep pricked our hearts with guilt and tears would flow down as we apologized to God for our behavior.   But we were still human and we made mistakes.  I have regrets to this day of my attitude, and some things I said or did that may have changed the course of someone else’s life. If I could, I would go back and change it, but that didn’t change who I was.

Like many when they reach the teenage years I rebelled. Oh, I never really did anything of consequence, but when it came to singing solos or being part of the choir, getting up to speak was not going to be my thing. I had no desire to be a preacher. If anything, I ran from it.

Yes, I had seen the good parts, but I had seen the struggles as well of my parents, and others in my family and close to me that were ministers, and I didn’t want any part of it.  A few years later I had a different feeling about it all, but at the time I had other dreams and goals.

I did all the things I was supposed to growing up. I even took some time to go to Bible School, and met some life long friends there.  Looking back I had many experiences that would later shape my life. Moments of excitement when I would preach and see souls come to God. Instances where I would pray for someone and feel the anointing so strong and see them experience their healing.  There were many good moments of ministry, and there were some heavily burdened nights of agony when I realized that the mission was a soul, and they seemed unreachable.

The last several years have been very hard on me. Health issues as well as personal trials at times have dropped me to my knees to where I thought I could not handle anymore. I began to understand some of the conflicts with self and the flesh that surely Jesus must have felt in the garden and on the way to Calvary.

Do I think I was tried like Him? No, but some of my experiences I believe have left me uniquely aware of the agony and perhaps at times, hopeless feeling He must have had. 

Around Easter every year for the last several years, I always feel a sense of guilt and questioning.  I will never really be able to completely ignore or erase these feelings not because of what I did but because of what I did not do.

It was many years ago when I was very involved in the ministry of my church, and I had taken a night to go watch a Passion play at a local church. Our church never put on any really big program, and it was not a church night so I didn’t think it would be an issue if I went for the one performance.  Little did I know that that experience would affect me many years later.

I think I went with a couple church friends, but to be honest I do not recall any of them. The impact that was made in my memory was not about who I went with, but rather a couple events that transpired while I was there.  The production was good. It covered a good amount of Jesus’ life in small glimpses, and then was more detailed when it got to the time Christ entry into Jerusalem on a donkey (yes, they had a donkey in the church), the Last Supper, and hanging Jesus on the Cross. But the moment that stands out in my mind was the Garden of Gethsemane scene.

Even though I had grown up with this message, and spent my life trying to do the right thing, and reaching out to others even to the point of ministry, that moment in time still brings tears to me even as I write this.  I felt like I was experiencing the agony Jesus was under as He prayed for the cup to pass from Him.  Paintings of Jesus in the Garden typically show a figure of Jesus with a beam of light showing down on Him from heaven. They depict him most often in some flowing robe with a calmness about Him.

But that wasn’t the way it was in reality. This was the moment of His greatest agony. This was the moment He was most human. I believe he writhed about, sweating, crying, maybe even screaming, as He begged for the pain He knew must happen to be taken away. Perhaps there was another way for mankind to be saved?

His clothes were disheveled, probably torn, and certainly dirty as He knelt, or lay upon the ground pouring out everything He had. Maybe He walked a bit in similar fashion to many old time preachers who would pour their souls out to God against the wall of the old church building, or stood there with His eyes turned down as many do at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.

No one really knows what it was like, but it wasn’t pretty. It was an old fashioned prayer meeting. I have been to some of those and they aren’t happy or joyful events most times, but they are burdened cries in the darkness, and stammering lips pleading with God for a soul.

The difference was, even though His closest disciples were with Him, He was all alone. At the Passion play I experienced this in living examples. I saw the agony He was going through, while those who should have spent a little more time with Him, knowing He had just given a heart rending speech to them at the Last Supper, knowing change was coming. But instead, they slept.

Looking around, He noticed, and walked over to gently wake them. He asked them to please pray with Him. He was in the hour or His greatest need, and instead of rising to the occasion, they slept. 

Have you ever really thought about that? When we pray, we are the ones asking God for something, but at this moment in His humanity, Jesus asked for something for Himself.  What if we were met with the same response when we asked of Him?

Again, He came to find them sleeping, and again asked for just a little bit of time for them to watch and pray with Him. And then finally a third time, He came to find them asleep again, and He let them sleep as the hour was that He was to be delivered unto the Priests and those that were determined to take His life.

To me, that is one of the greatest moments in the Bible.  He became most human at that moment and was in need, and those who were closest to Him, turned their backs. Yes, it is true that just a few hours later, Peter denied and even cursed Him, but this was a moment forever etched in my mind as life changing.  I recall the tears in my eyes as I realized just how alone Christ was at that very moment.  His very own people missed a huge opportunity to know Christ on another level.

A few minutes later I missed an opportunity as well, and it comes back to me every Easter.

At the end of the production, they invited people to come to the front for the ‘Sinners Prayer’ and I stayed where I was since that is not what I believe, but I recall seeing a young woman who couldn’t quite make it up to the front but was standing with tears streaming down her face, her mascara running, and obviously being moved by the spirit.

My heart told me to pray with her, but I was not a minister there, did not even believe the way most of the audience believed and so for me to step out when it ‘just wasn’t my place’ seemed like an irrational thing to do. I stayed in my pew, and saw her slowly make her way more forward and disappear into the crowd.

I will never get that moment back. I will never know what happened to that young lady.  I had a moment where I could have perhaps changed a life, and I didn’t take it. And for the rest of my life, I have to live with it.

Now, I am sure some are saying but you are taking one moment in time, and God understands. Surely, He does, but I could have made an effort. And I didn’t. I am just as guilty as the disciples who slept while Jesus poured out His soul.

He Came Unto His Own

John 1:11 states, 'He came unto His own, and His own received Him not.’ Jesus was not really accepted by his people. Sure, there were many who showed up when He was handing out miracles and doing good, but of the thousands who followed Him for teaching and miracles, only a handful were there always, and then when He needed them, they slept, they cursed, they denied they even knew Him.

Pilate wanted to let Jesus go. He saw no reason for Jesus to die. And if you notice, it wasn’t the poor, the hungry, the hurting that were screaming for Jesus to be crucified, but rather those in the ministry. It was some of those who He fed on the hillside. Perhaps one of those He stopped to hold their child as He ministered to their needs.

It was those who He encouraged and expounded the scriptures with that turned aside and even clamored for the death of Christ. Can you imagine? It wasn’t the Roman soldiers that wanted Jesus to die. It was those who were His own people. The church wanted Him gone. They didn’t like knowing He could see through their traditions and theologies. They felt threatened by what He knew and the authority at which even nature responded to His voice. They couldn’t let that continue. They had to destroy Him.

I have experienced similar behavior myself from some church leaders. Some of you know a lot of what I have been through but for the most part I keep it to myself. I haven’t ever been pushed aside by those we would call ‘the world’ or even other denominational Christians, but rather by my own people. I am certain that I am not the only one who has experienced this. If we are living the way we should and trying to make a difference in others lives, then it won’t be the outsiders or sinners that will attempt to cause us strife, but rather those that are counted among our own people.

We have preached it for years that our churches are supposed to be a hospital for the hurting, a shelter for the homeless, a comfort for those who feel alone. But instead many of our churches have become so bottled up with our own personalities and philosophies that many times, even the message of Christ does not reach the lost.

James 1:27 says, ‘Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.’

Understand this; I believe that there should be a respect for the House of God,  the ministry, and of course for Jesus Christ. I believe that some of our ideologies and even what we consider traditions were put in place for a purpose. They are not just some self-righteous rant by someone who decides that their way of living is better than the way someone else lives or dresses. There are some definite guidelines in the Bible that laid out for our direction that should not be messed with regardless of rationalization or lifestyle. Living Holy is still the way to go and it should not be compromised.

However, some have become so caught up in trying to build a dominion and grand edifices to the Lord, that they have set aside the very purpose of Christ. They have forgotten the very reason He came. He came to seek and save the lost. He came to heal and deliver. He came unto His own, and they rejected Him.

Maybe it is the Easter season and while I should be celebrating the fact that He rose again, my spirit is grieved within me.  There are situations in my personal life that trouble me, but not to the extent I wake up crying and burdened the way I am with seeing the lost upon the streets of my city.

Earthquakes, tornadoes, wars, strife all around us as the Bible says will be in the end of the age, and yet our church pews are being emptied out to make way for fellowship halls, basketball games, and to some extent open only to ‘those who can pay the cover charge.’

It seems the days when most of our churches were filled with the poor, the elderly,  and the children are quickly being taken over by those who would rather see the church as a business  or event center instead of a hospital. Many churches have went to one service on Sunday and have become so depersonalized chances are you don’t even know the other person at the end of the pew.

If Jesus were to walk through the back door would He even know it was a service? Or would He feel displaced because there was no one there like Him?

See Jesus was a homeless drifter. I know how that sounds, but He said, ‘Foxes have holes,  and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man hath no where to lay his head.’  Luke 9:58

And He came unto His own…

How many missed opportunities have we had? Are we losing sight of being a witness, or even just encouraging our brother and sister? Are we too busy to even notice the soul that is nearly gone? Not just the ones on the street corners, but the ones sitting next to us in the pew?

A few weeks ago, I was changed. I have noticed a greater number of people on the streets begging for money or work with their signs. It never used to be a common sight where I live. The few we saw were quickly rationalized to be drug addicts or lazy, and most quickly drove past.

At times, I have actually seen some who have turned begging on the street corner into a business. I watched one climb out of his motorhome, walk over to the corner with his cardboard sign, and stand there hoping someone would give him money.  My spirit wanted to tell him to go find work, but most of the time I didn’t really slow down I just kept driving.  But then one day it was different.

I was headed to Wal-Mart to buy a few groceries and as I rounded the corner I saw him. He was wrapped in several blankets pushing an old shopping cart filled with various odds and ends, and holding a small sign that simply said, ‘I’m Hungry.’ He was straight out of a movie, with a greying matt of hair and beard, an old stocking cap, and worn shoes. I don’t know how far he had come because I had never seen him there again.

I never really slowed down until I got to the doors of the store and I felt pricked in my heart. I had seen countless begging on that same corner and felt nothing, but this time was different.  Payday was quite a ways off, and the amount of money I had at the moment was meager but I couldn’t shake it. I was headed to the back to get my few items as usual, and on the way to the front I put most of them down except for the carton of water and went over to where they sell sandwiches.  I picked out one I would like and headed back outside.

I looked off into the distance where he had been standing and he was gone.  I knew I had to do something, so I went a few blocks out of my way to find him. I got out the vehicle, approached him with a sandwich and one of the water bottles. A tear came to his eye and he stuttered out, ‘Bless You.’

As I got back into my vehicle and drove off I felt different. I am not saying this to brag, and it brings tears to my eyes just reflecting on it, but in that old homeless mans eyes were a gratefulness that I hadn’t seen from anyone in a really long time. I felt guilty because I am not more grateful for what I have.  Sure, like anyone I have trials and tests. I have bills to pay, situations that only God can handle, but I should be more grateful. I should be spending more time worshipping and being loving and kind. I am striving to do better, but I know it’s a process. It won’t happen overnight. But I am changing.

See what I learned was this, ‘It isn’t a sacrifice unless I have to give something of myself to make a difference.’  I should be more willing to sacrifice after all Christ sacrificed everything when He took on Calvary, for me.

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But God…

Just two words. It doesn’t seem like much. It doesn’t seem finished. To some, they would simply pass over  it without a second thought.

However, in those two words hangs the balance of eternity and hope.

Recently I was talking with someone about circumstances in their life. They were really struggling with a situation that was out of their control and really had no idea what to do.

I think we all go through those moments when it seems all is lost.  Even Jesus’ disciples had their moments when it seemed like there was nothing they could do to fix the situation.

In fact, Jesus himself was in the garden praying alone as the others had fallen asleep, and was facing the cross and his humanity was groaning in agony. He did not want to die. He did not want to endure the pain.  Who can blame Him?

I have heard some say, ‘He was God. He knew what was going to happen.’ And He did. But the flesh was in agony just the way we would be in a crisis or a painful situation out of our control.

I know in my own life there have been times that anything would have been easier than facing the things I had to go through.  I would have walked on broken glass, gave away all my worldly possessions, done pretty much anything to not have to go through the trial. But it was not in my control. 

All I could do was be patient, try and keep going, and hope and pray that somehow it would change, or that I would have the strength to endure it.

It seems macabre to think about it, but it was Jesus’ destiny to endure the cross for our salvation. To most of us we don’t really think about the humanity, the flesh, the analytical mind of Jesus. When we think of Him we think of Him as the almighty powerful one. But His human body had the same genetic makeup as ours. He could hurt. He could cry. He could feel sad. He could be hungry, and even though He knew what was expected, it was the same as it would be with any of us.

Sometimes we get bold and proclaim in the midst of watching calamity face others that if it happened to us, we ‘would handle it better, not get upset, just accept it.’  The reality however, is that when we are faced with a death of a child, a divorce, a wrecked car, our house burn down, or perhaps even someone saying something about us that is not true, we hurt too. And in our moments of pain, we might lash out at others, feel hopeless and rejected, or even just give up on life.

But

But is a conjunction. It is used in contrasting something already mentioned with another.

(example: I like red tulips, but my wife likes white roses better.)

It shows the difference on one side or other of the conjunction.

So, when faced with a situation, I know what I would want but that doesn’t mean it will turn out the way I want. It could be worse. It could be better.

The person I was talking to their situation did look hopeless to them, in fact it did to me as well. I did agree to pray however, and didn’t hear back for several days. 

Being honest, even though I know prayer works, there are times when I end up with doubts, even about the things I pray about for others. And when it comes to myself, well… we won’t go there.

I was hopeful, but not expecting a good result.

Then Why?

You may be wondering why pray for someone if you do not believe you are going to see a good result?  We have all heard that if we pray and do not have faith, it will not happen. Most of us have been prayed for at one time or other and never had a result.

At times we might think that the person praying for me does not have any faith. I used to be of the opinion that if you don’t believe you should not pray for anyone.  It just makes sense.

There have been times that I have not wanted some people to pray for me, simply because I did not believe that they had any faith, and I already knew my faith was shaken.

Now, this is not the same as having a negative person pray for you. To clarify, there are some who it seems every word out of their mouth is negative. They are filled with so much doubt about everything that it is always, ‘I don’t know, I am not sure’, or the fall back one that nearly everyone uses but it is still a negative statement, ‘we will see.’

When you say ‘we will see,’ you are already expressing doubt for whatever situation, circumstance, need, desire and so it is basically pointless at that moment. Those people I still do not want to pray for me.

But God

Those two tiny words. The title of this article. When you add God to the but, it changes everything.

I would try and explain God, but there isn’t enough room, time, or intellect to do so. And even if I could, you probably would not understand.

But God is the biggest game changer of all.

We could relate many stories from the Old or New Testament where God’s people were in situations out of their control. Mixed with uncertainty or possibly even dying at the hand of the enemy and it all looked like nothing good could come from it, but God stepped in and changed the picture.

And it really made a difference in the battle which side of the but God you were on. If you were on the side needing his help, then you were going to have success. If you were on the opposite side from the intentions of God however, well, you were finished. There was no maybe, we will see, or what shall we do involved. The situation was going to change, for the good or the bad. You just better be on the right side of the change.

But God In Your Life

Remember when we talked about praying without faith for others? I do believe it can work when we pray for ourselves too. And let me explain why.

We may be in the midst of our darkest despair. We may be going through something that we cannot deal with at all.   We may want to pack it in and just give up on life, on our situation, even on God.

If you tell people you have given up on God, the reaction from most is ‘how dare you?’ Or how can you possibly say that. Trust me, I have been in those situations and had people look like they wanted to slap me.  But, God understands.

He lived a human life. He knows how it feels. The prophets of old are even described as being of like passions such as we are. They got mad, they cried, they felt rejected.  They had their moments of not trusting God as well and yet they were used of God in mighty ways. So, when someone says if we ‘do not have faith we should not bother to pray, ‘ IGNORE THEM!

If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13

So you see, even if we do not have the faith to believe, God does. When someone asks for prayer, regardless of the situation, they are displaying at least a morsel of faith, and when you agree to pray, then you are giving them even more faith, even if you have your own doubts. So, there is always a reason to pray for someone else.

Who knows, it might even be what you need to get your own victory.

We may not expect or even believe in a good result but we have to remember it is not up to us.

The disciples were headed to the other side of sea. Jesus was tired and went to sleep in the bottom of the boat. A storm arose, and whipped the boat around, lightning, thunder crashing, waves overflowing the boat. They were afraid. Most of us would have been.

This took place after Jesus fed 5000 with just a little boys lunch so you would have thought the disciples would have had plenty of faith, but they too were human. This wasn’t breaking up morsels of food, this was a storm that could take their lives.

These were men who walked and talked with Jesus on a daily basis. They knew Him in the personal relationship that most of us wish we could have. Surely, we would react differently?

In their fear, they woke him up. He arose, rebuked the wind, calmed the sea and there was peace upon the waters.  The situation had been scary to the point of death. We have all been there too. But God stepped in and it was all calm.

I remember several years ago a teen girl was in a very bad car wreck. She had severe head trauma, paralyzed on one side, was in a coma, on life support and the doctors were doing everything they could to keep her alive.

She lived on the machines with oxygen being forced into her lungs,  remaining in the coma for several months. Family members, ministers would go visit her and pray, and talk to her and be positive in the room because they say coma patients can hear what you say.

Finally, the family and the doctors both agreed that there was nothing they could do to change her situation. There didn’t seem to be any brainwave activity, she was basically laying on the bed not moving, the only sounds in the room were the beeps and hums of the machines that kept her breathing. They decided to take her off the machines and oxygen.

About an hour later she woke up.  She still had some difficulties with motor skills being partially paralyzed, but she was alive. Her eyes were open, and she could interact with the doctors, family, and friends. She went back to school.

She ended up graduating high school with honors.

Life for her seemed hopeless. It seemed over. There was nothing anyone could do. But God…

Let God

When God steps into the picture your situation is going to change. One way or other change is coming.

Facing sickness, even death? Financial needs? Relationship problems? Need a job? Discouraged? Lost in sin?

Whatever the circumstance may be, we can only do so much, and most things are simply out of our control. There may not be anything we can do about it. It is easy to get upset, worry, let our emotions get the best of us and most of the time we just try and take care of everything on our own, after all ‘we know best.’

But God can transform the situation. He can taken the most dire circumstance and make it turn out for His glory. Give it to Him. Get your victory!

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When God Isn't Enough

I am sure some have seen the title and already are judging and saying that God is always enough, but before you respond, read what I have written.
We preach it, sing it, shout it from the mountains that God is enough. He has the ability to carry us, provide, deliver, heal, and provide all we need. While that is true, there are times when God is not enough.

Maybe to some I am having a pity party, but I am not alone in that.

I am going thru things right now that are crushing me beneath the weight. Some of you may know some of it; very few know most of it, and no one knows all of it, but me and God. As a general rule, I stay vague about myself. I am not looking for sympathy, and I do my best to keep my private life private. I guess in a way you could say I am bipolar, because what most of you know about me online is not the complete me if you knew me personally. However, I will not share all of it, but there are times when God is not enough, and I want to explain why I feel that way. I do this with great trepidation but, I am tired of bottling it up.

I have had health issues a long, long time. Almost fourteen years have gone by since I found myself going from healthy, comfortable, and constantly ministering, to where I was too sick to get off a couch. It was a literal hell. Doctors couldn't figure it out. Family and friends walked away, and the church... well they acted like I was a leper. I won't go into more of that now, but maybe someday.

After several years of the loneliness that comes from multiple health issues and people not knowing what to say when God doesn't heal, a friend came into my life. She was apostolic, involved in a music ministry, and at the time she became my everything. Within a few months she rescued me and took me to where she lived, married me of course, and changed my life forever. I loved her children as my own, and for the past several years, they have been my children.

Somehow, we ended up back where I was from, and we came with no preconditions. Since my wife was vey musically talented, she offered to help, and I offered to help any way I could. I had at one time assisted the former pastor. I knew the ropes. I could offer advice, or do whatever was asked of me. Somehow, they got the idea, not from us, that we were there to 'take over' as someone so nicely put it. That was never the plan, there was no plan. However, from that moment, we were treated as outsiders from most in the church and especially the pastor. I didn't understand it. I tried to pray about it, seek advice, but none of it mattered.

I did what I could, but I sat on the sidelines and watched that church die. Oh, it still has a pulse, but its not at all what it used to be, or what it could be. Don't offer to help though. Unless you have deep pockets you won't be considered.
I know I sound bitter, and perhaps I am a little.

Anyhow, over the past couple years, after seeking the mind of God about leaving, staying, or what to do in general, my wife and I decided to start a church. It wasn't just about how we were treated, people were showing up at our house who we didn't know and asking us about God. We did a lot of soul searching, tried to leave, prayed for a new minister to come, did everything because we did not want to start trouble.

However, last spring, everything started falling into place. Someone I had never met called and offered to pay six months on a building if I could find one. My wife was excited, telling friends at work, people in the grocery stores, and planning to take a big family photo and splash it all over the newspaper.

It was exciting, we found a building we could use for up to five services a month for $250.00.

Three weeks later, my wife comes home from work, tells me she and the kids are moving to Texas, she has another 'man' and that we should have never been married. Around the same time, the doctors diagnosed me with leukemia.

My whole world crumbled.

I tried to find comfort in the church, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. It was basically non-existant. It still is. Yes, I still go to church, but for the most part I don't see any reason to. The few people at church who do talk to me are 'praying for you.' Although there are those who tell me the leukemia and the divorce is because I am in rebellion to the pastor, or that I must be running from God.

Please understand, I know I am not the only one who goes through trials, I know I am not the only one who is sick. I also know that when I had friends going through things, I was there for them. I do not understand why they cannot be there for me.

There is a lot of things I do not understand, and yet, his word gives direction to issues like these but it seems that part of the bible does not matter.

Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

I guess what I am trying to say is we cannot pick and choose which scriptures we listen to. I have served God my entire life. I grew up on a church pew, I have been a minister, evangelist, sunday school teacher and director, youth pastor, and on and on. Yet, I am like so much drivel tossed aside when trouble came to me.

And I wonder, is it just me? Did I do something to deserve this? Or is this how everyone from new convert to elderly saint gets treated when the 'church' doesn't know what to say?

You don't know how it will change someone's life to invite them out for supper. Or perhaps see if they want to go shopping with you, or maybe take them a loaf of home baked bread, or a pie. But instead, we get so caught up in our own lives we neglect the ones who need us the most, because, we must be about the work of the Lord.

Does anyone visit the widows and orphans anymore? Does anyone still visit the sick, the backslider, or send them a card or anything? We can pray til we have no words left to say, but sometimes all that is needed is a listening ear, and it seems no one has that anymore.

I know you think I am whining. Kind of like Elijah did, Moses did, David did, Joseph, Jeremiah, Jonah... and yes, even Jesus was lonely. He just wanted someone to spend a little time with him in prayer, but they couldn't make the effort. We all think we are the one who is different. If we were the one asked.. we'd be the first to do everything to help.

I joined everyonesapostolic with that in mind. I needed someone to confide in. I needed a listening ear, and maybe some advice. I had never been thru a divorce before, let alone leukemia. I knew there were other apostolics online who had been thru things, so I decided to try it out.

I made a couple of 'close' friends who I was willing to listen to and I opened up to them some as well. I was finding strength in the midst of the storm. I had a shoulder to lean upon if only online or a phone call. I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. One called me almost daily to make sure I was doing good; went so far as to invite me to move to where they were, and even had me talk to their child on the telephone. They gave me reason to believe I mattered, and that they wanted to be a part of my life, even if it was hard. But just like always, in a flash they were gone. The three I opened myself up to, trusted, and gave me a glimmer disappeared in the dust.

I guess that is the way it is. Maybe I shouldn't trust anyone. Maybe I should just live a solitary life, because it seems that anyone who gets close to me, God yanks away. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me? But is it really me? Is it God? Or have we become so content with who we have become that we ignore those who need a lift once in a while? Is our own wants so important that we don't care who we hurt in the way to our goal?

I am sure there are some of you after you read this will turn and walk away and I will never hear of you again. Why should you be any different? If we are not always happy go lucky, take it all in stride, don't make waves, then no one wants to get close. I understand that. I don't like negative people.

But I am tired of complacency. I am tired of bottled up anger or grief. I am tired of talking to people who are literally going thru hell and trying to help them out when I have a hell of my own to contend with. I am tired of being vulnerable only to have it shoved in my face. I am tired of hearing about miracles, I want to see one in my own life.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone else? Am I the only one who feels this way? I seriously doubt it.

I guess the answer I have been searching for is to not let anyone close. Just shut my mouth, not make waves, and just take it like a man. Maybe I am just not worthy.

It is a new generation. We are in a sinking ship, and there are only a couple of life preservers left, and no one is willing to take a chance that they are the one who can save someone else. Life perservers can usually hold a lot of weight. Would it hurt to help someone else stay afloat for a bit? All it would take is wrapping your arms around them and letting them know you will help them hang on.

Naw. Let them sink. It's what everyone else does.

Could God create a boat just for them? Sure. Could he bring about a miracle just for the one in need? Sure. Could he change the situation? Sure. But sometimes, he needs our help.

There is nothing like the feeling when that person you brought to church gets the holy ghost. There is nothing like the feeling, when the person you prayed and fasted for gets their miracle. There is nothing like a hug to someone who is lonely.

Can God do it himself. Sure. But just like God cannot make anyone love him, he cannot make anyone love us. There are times when even God isn't enough.

He hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief.

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