Come Sunday…

The last few days I have been reminiscing about growing up in a small town and how nice it was not to have to worry about a lot of things we do now.

Parents didn’t worry about us playing outside in the dark as long as we didn’t drift too far from home. We knew that at 9 o’clock the siren from the fire station would sound the curfew that meant everyone under a certain age should now at the very least be in their own yards if not tucked inside reading a book or perhaps doing homework.

I grew up in church and had a mixture of friends. Some went to church with me; quite a few didn’t. I never really considered myself popular but everyone knew my dad was the pastor of the Pentecostal church on Cody Avenue. It was a good life. We didn’t really worry about how much money we had or what people thought about us.

Sure there was some expectation from my friends. They knew what I was about. They knew what I would do and what I wouldn’t. It never seemed to matter to them that I didn’t do all the things they did. I didn’t go to the theater; didn’t have a TV in my house; didn’t go to dances and no one even brought up smoking or drinking because they knew what I believed and what my Dad preached. If I would have done any of those things I truly believe my friends that didn’t go to church with me would probably have been shocked, maybe even disappointed. And so would a lot of my teachers.

And no I wasn’t perfect but my faith kept me living the life as best as I could, even if it meant repenting in my bed late at night before I fell asleep about being mad at someone.

In My House

You see in my house we ate dinner together as a family. We got up every morning before school to read the Bible and pray before Dad left for work. We read a lot of books, listened to mystery stories, Ranger Bill, and Uncle Charlie on the radio, and we played outside.

Looking back I am not sure how we didn’t get hurt more often with some of the forts we built and the bicycle jumps in the field near our house. We fed the pigs  and chickens of the landlord and he would give us a couple near the end of the year for our trouble. Dad worked several jobs it seemed but he always had time to go hunting and more importantly to be active in our lives.

Whether it was studying up on bees to tell my 3rd grade class about since I had bragged he grew up on a farm and had bees, ( I didn’t know it wasn’t as big of deal as it was in my head), or the time he helped me carve a piece of wood into a race car for the pinewood derby. He did a lot of things like that, but come Sunday he was on the platform leading worship, maybe singing a song, and preaching to us and telling us about the power of God and His love.  We had a lot of miracles in our church. It became so common that if someone had a need they were calling my dad to pray, sometimes before they called the ambulance.  I could tell you lots of stories about things that happened growing up. Maybe some day I will, but for right now I want you to remember the scripture that says ‘train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.’ That was and is my life.

The Other Family

I won’t mention their name but I am sure if you know me it won’t be hard to figure out who I am talking about. This family too ate dinner together. Usually most of it was homemade and from what I recall there was always fresh biscuits. They seemed to enjoy hanging out with each other but if you were to visit you would almost always hear one of them yelling at another.

Sometimes it was the adult yelling at a kid. Sometimes kids yelling and fighting with each other. Sometimes it was the kids yelling at the parent to be followed by a quick yelp as a hand or maybe a switch touched someone’s backside. I don’t know if they had a TV but you could be pretty sure if they wanted to watch something they figured out a way to ‘visit’ the neighbors who had TVs, even if it was ‘supposed to be babysitting.’

Remembering back, most of the kids in the family never finished school. It just didn’t fit with their life’s goal I guess. They didn’t really get involved in a lot of the stuff I did, although a couple of them hung around with me on occasion. I remember seeing black eyes and sometimes scratches on their arms and neck, but knew it didn’t come from the parents but most likely they had been in a fight with someone.

I spent the night there a couple of times and I don’t remember them reading the Bible and praying, but I do know that they had a couple of Bibles laying around. Most of them could sing fairly well and it was common for them to a sing a special in church or be part of a choir. They loved those old gospel hymns. It didn’t seem to matter what all happened during the week, come Sunday you knew that family would be in their Sunday best and sitting a couple rows back from the front of the church.

I remember their singing. I even remember some miracles that took place in their lives and lots of shouting and worship growing up with them. But I also remember the smoking, the chewing, the talking about dirty movies, and in general the chaos that was their lives. Sure, they did come to church. And I am certain they loved God, but the depth didn’t seem to be there when I look back.

The father was quick to point out what I should or shouldn’t be doing since I was the pastor’s son but the same rules didn’t seem to apply to his kids.

It has been quite a while since I heard from any of them. I know the parents have long since passed away and from what I have heard through the grapevine, none of the kids still serve God or even go to church. It is sad really. I wonder about them often. What happened in their lives? Is there still some place they can go to remember back to what it felt like to be slain in the altar or the worship that cascaded from the prayer rooms? What do they do on Sunday now?

Sunday…

We have a tendency to place a strong influence on going to church on Sunday. Whether you are a Pentecostal or attend another denomination, for most people come Sunday they are visiting a church somewhere. They might be quick to point out how important it is to be in church, or perhaps even look down their nose a bit if you aren’t there like they expect. And maybe they do miss you if you aren’t there but what is Sunday to them? Really?

Is it church? Is it worship? Is it a time filler before football? Is it just something they do?

Serving God is more than what you do on Sunday. Being a Christian does not mean you go to a church, pay your tithes, drop a few bucks in an offering plate and sing a song or two.

Sunday is the day we have come to delegate as time for worship, but serving God is what you do during the rest of the week. It is how you live your life with your family. It is the way you act in the supermarket when someone is slow. It is looking past that temptation to take that thing that isn’t yours or to forgive those who don’t quite act the way you expect them to.

Sunday should be a time of reflection, worship, thankfulness, and love for the Almighty. It is not about the pretty dress you have on, or the fact that you combed your hair a certain way, or the fact that you have your ‘assigned’ seat right near the back so you can run out to the restroom during prayer without anyone noticing.

Sigh…

I remember many services that were long but driven to worship. Celebratory times when people were baptized and it wasn’t just what we did because someone asked. Fellowship meetings where others who believed the same came together for some good preaching, singing, and worship and then stayed after long enough to chat and have a sandwich and chips.

I remember many who were overcome with the power of God and with long drawn out emotions as they bowed over at the altar. No one was going to drag them away; you just had to wait until they were done.

Everyone shouted Amen to the preacher and stood to their feet with their Bibles in hand excited about the presence of God. We believed in heaven and hell. We didn’t look for excuses as to why we weren’t there. We didn’t want to miss service because we knew if we did they were surely ‘going to have a good service.’

But the thing is most of those who used to do that aren’t there anymore. You might catch a glimpse of them around town but you can see their lives have take a different turn. It isn’t judging. It is more a sense of why? And no, going to church doesn’t make you a Christian. I really believe that. What transpires in your life during the week and how you spend time with your family is much more important. Do we have Bibles catching dust on the shelves? Or do we even know where they are anymore?

Come Sunday…

There are a lot of people who put the blame on others. For many years I have heard them say society started going down hill when they took prayer out of school; we need to get it back. And while I agree that played a big part it is not going to come back.

Besides, how is that going to help your child? Your wife? Your parents? Will having a Bible in school or prayer even reach them? Your kids used to go to church. They may have even spoke in tongues. Sunday School played a big impact in how most of us were raised, and yet most churches see it as a form of babysitting now. It isn’t about the word. It is about making sure someone watches your kids while you listen to someone theorize about why society is the way it is and that maybe we are just not forgiving enough. We just don’t understand them being the way they are. You have heard it. You know what I am talking about.

And yes, God forgives all manner of sin. I truly believe that. But I am sorry if you think getting prayer back in schools is going to make a difference. You are wrong. How about instead we start working on getting prayer back in our homes.

Crack open that dusty old Bible. Put down the phone, or the Ipad, turn off the TV and spend some time with God in your prayer closet. And come Sunday it will be a whole new day!

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Living On A Prayer

There is a popular song made famous by the singer called Bon Jovi that I borrowed the title from this morning.

Part of the lyrics are as follows.

Chorus:
Whooah, we're half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

Now I do not normally listen to what we might call ‘worldly music’, but there is an  app for the iPad called Song Pop which I play with some of my online friends quite frequently and this song is a part of that game. You only hear a small bit of the song before you have to guess, and so I have heard the chorus as it is written above.

However, last night I woke up with the phrase ‘living on a prayer’ running through my mind. I haven’t played the game this week, so I thought it a bit odd of a song in my mind until I began to think on it more.

There is a powerful meaning in those words and it likely affects us all. In fact, if we are willing to admit it, most of us actually do live on a prayer.

Prayers

If we grew up in any kind of Christian home, we probably learned from an early age to say our prayers before we went to bed, and maybe to pray over our dinner as well. Today that small moment of time we give to God has all but disappeared in the lives of most people. And while at the time it was a cute, repetitive action to get us to acknowledge God or perhaps to ask for a blessing, it was in fact genuine for many.

The version most of us are aware of says,

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

But did you know the words were slightly different in an earlier version published in 1711?

When I lay me down to Sleep,
I recommend my self to his care;
when I awake, I give myself up to his Direction.

If we did give ourselves up to his direction, we would probably live a better life and not just be living on a prayer.

Living On A Prayer?

So, what does it really mean to be living on a prayer?

For most of us,  is means we are barely getting by. It might be because of health issues, or family stresses, but its likely that many of us think of living on a prayer as living paycheck to paycheck, nothing left over at the end of the week.

Perhaps it is due to a lack of a budget, or we don’t make an account of what we are spending,  and so if we see something we just by it. But it is also possible that we are getting by because the job we have doesn’t really support us financially.

I met a single mother yesterday while she was working in a local store. I do not recall how it all came up, but  she remarked how she was working seven days a week to take care of her small children.  I wondered if she even gets to see her kids, or how much she has to pay a babysitter to be able to work two jobs.

It is possible that a mother or family friend might watch the kids while she works since they realize that she is just getting by. But when it comes down to it, any bigger issue related to health or housing would devastate any sort of savings she might have. It is probably not a choice, but it has become a lifestyle due to need.

A lot of us are in the same boat; living on a prayer, hoping to just get by. It isn’t easy to live that way but many times we have no other choice it seems. Or do we?

Unanswered Prayers

Many times it seems that no matter how much we pray we do not see the answers.  If you have been praying for a situation for a long time and don’t see anything happening, do not feel alone. We all go through the same thing many times.

It can be very discouraging not seeing prayers answered and sometimes we have no idea why. We might blame ourselves, or perhaps think God is not interested in what we have to say, or some would say it just wasn’t meant to be.

Sometimes it might just be life, or perhaps it could even be a trial of our faith. However, I find myself asking is some of it because the only time we pray is when we are in need?

Prayers Answered

In James 5:16, the Bible says, ‘the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.’

Part of the problem with most of us praying is that we rest the power of prayer on ourselves rather than God. If we do not see results, we think we did not pray hard enough, or perhaps we are asking for the impossible. It doesn’t depend our methods or our ability but rather in Christ. It isn’t us that makes prayers happen. When we leave it in His hands and trust His timing, things will work out much better.

So what does fervent mean in this passage? It means do not give up on believing when we do not see the results expected or at the moment we thought we needed it.

In John chapter 11, we can read the story of the raising of Lazurus, one of Jesus’s friends from the dead. He grew sick and his sister Martha sent word to Jesus that if He would come and pray Lazurus would get better. It took four days for Jesus to get there and by the time He showed up Lazurus was dead.

Martha told Jesus, ‘if you had been here sooner, my brother would not have died.’  Her faith had been diminished because she thought that the answer was in just being there, when God had a better way to do it.  We can read the story and find out that Lazurus died so that the glory of God might be revealed. Again this goes back to believing in our own ability rather than in our prayers.

There is a great song about this story on YouTube. 

FOUR DAYS LATE

Timing is everything.  He is always on time.

Living On A Prayer

Noted theologian, Oswald Chambers said, ‘Prayer does not equip you for greater work;  it is the greater work.’

Many times we tend to think that our ability  or our righteousness is what brings the miracles. However, Jesus said if we have faith the size of a mustard seed mountains can be removed.

So what we really should be doing is living on  a prayer, but not in the way most people think.

We are commanded to pray. Not just to bring needs to God, but to have a constant communication with Him. If the only time we talked to our loved ones was when we needed something it would be a very one sided and selfish attitude.  It doesn’t bring us a smile when someone is all about themselves, or like a child throwing a tantrum when they don’t get their way, and in a way, that is the same thing with Christ.

Not saying that He punishes us by withholding prayers, but that He needs us as much as we need Him. He isn’t a free candy store. I know I am simplifying the situation considerably but hopefully you can understand what I mean.

In Matthew 6:9-13, Jesus gave us an example of how to pray.  While most consider this the Lord’s prayer, if we break it down and use our own words, it is an outline of how to get our prayers and needs answered.

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Before we even begin to ask, give Him the glory. Take time to let God know how much you appreciate Him being in your life. Show some love and some humbleness.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

In a nutshell, this part is saying. God have your way in my life and in every situation. Give Him the control of everything.

Give us this day our daily bread.

This is where we let Him know what we need. Ask what you have need of.  Matthew 7:7

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Asking forgiveness of what we have done wrong and also forgiving those who have done things that hurt or upset us as well. It is important that forgiveness goes both ways.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:

Keep us from messing up. Please give us protection. Do not let us fall into traps that cause ourselves or others harm.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.

Again,  give Him the glory, the praise, bless His name. Tell Him you love Him. Not just for what He has done but simply because He is.

Amen.

It is finished. That is my prayer God. Amen is like putting a stamp on a letter and mailing it. Or pushing send on a text or email.  It sends the blessings and the requests to God.

So What Does It Take?

Living on a prayer takes several elements to see results. But it is always worth it.

• A Need

• Consistency

• Faith & Trust

• Patience

• Praising

• A Thankful Heart

And then you will truly be Living on a Prayer.

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But God…

Just two words. It doesn’t seem like much. It doesn’t seem finished. To some, they would simply pass over  it without a second thought.

However, in those two words hangs the balance of eternity and hope.

Recently I was talking with someone about circumstances in their life. They were really struggling with a situation that was out of their control and really had no idea what to do.

I think we all go through those moments when it seems all is lost.  Even Jesus’ disciples had their moments when it seemed like there was nothing they could do to fix the situation.

In fact, Jesus himself was in the garden praying alone as the others had fallen asleep, and was facing the cross and his humanity was groaning in agony. He did not want to die. He did not want to endure the pain.  Who can blame Him?

I have heard some say, ‘He was God. He knew what was going to happen.’ And He did. But the flesh was in agony just the way we would be in a crisis or a painful situation out of our control.

I know in my own life there have been times that anything would have been easier than facing the things I had to go through.  I would have walked on broken glass, gave away all my worldly possessions, done pretty much anything to not have to go through the trial. But it was not in my control. 

All I could do was be patient, try and keep going, and hope and pray that somehow it would change, or that I would have the strength to endure it.

It seems macabre to think about it, but it was Jesus’ destiny to endure the cross for our salvation. To most of us we don’t really think about the humanity, the flesh, the analytical mind of Jesus. When we think of Him we think of Him as the almighty powerful one. But His human body had the same genetic makeup as ours. He could hurt. He could cry. He could feel sad. He could be hungry, and even though He knew what was expected, it was the same as it would be with any of us.

Sometimes we get bold and proclaim in the midst of watching calamity face others that if it happened to us, we ‘would handle it better, not get upset, just accept it.’  The reality however, is that when we are faced with a death of a child, a divorce, a wrecked car, our house burn down, or perhaps even someone saying something about us that is not true, we hurt too. And in our moments of pain, we might lash out at others, feel hopeless and rejected, or even just give up on life.

But

But is a conjunction. It is used in contrasting something already mentioned with another.

(example: I like red tulips, but my wife likes white roses better.)

It shows the difference on one side or other of the conjunction.

So, when faced with a situation, I know what I would want but that doesn’t mean it will turn out the way I want. It could be worse. It could be better.

The person I was talking to their situation did look hopeless to them, in fact it did to me as well. I did agree to pray however, and didn’t hear back for several days. 

Being honest, even though I know prayer works, there are times when I end up with doubts, even about the things I pray about for others. And when it comes to myself, well… we won’t go there.

I was hopeful, but not expecting a good result.

Then Why?

You may be wondering why pray for someone if you do not believe you are going to see a good result?  We have all heard that if we pray and do not have faith, it will not happen. Most of us have been prayed for at one time or other and never had a result.

At times we might think that the person praying for me does not have any faith. I used to be of the opinion that if you don’t believe you should not pray for anyone.  It just makes sense.

There have been times that I have not wanted some people to pray for me, simply because I did not believe that they had any faith, and I already knew my faith was shaken.

Now, this is not the same as having a negative person pray for you. To clarify, there are some who it seems every word out of their mouth is negative. They are filled with so much doubt about everything that it is always, ‘I don’t know, I am not sure’, or the fall back one that nearly everyone uses but it is still a negative statement, ‘we will see.’

When you say ‘we will see,’ you are already expressing doubt for whatever situation, circumstance, need, desire and so it is basically pointless at that moment. Those people I still do not want to pray for me.

But God

Those two tiny words. The title of this article. When you add God to the but, it changes everything.

I would try and explain God, but there isn’t enough room, time, or intellect to do so. And even if I could, you probably would not understand.

But God is the biggest game changer of all.

We could relate many stories from the Old or New Testament where God’s people were in situations out of their control. Mixed with uncertainty or possibly even dying at the hand of the enemy and it all looked like nothing good could come from it, but God stepped in and changed the picture.

And it really made a difference in the battle which side of the but God you were on. If you were on the side needing his help, then you were going to have success. If you were on the opposite side from the intentions of God however, well, you were finished. There was no maybe, we will see, or what shall we do involved. The situation was going to change, for the good or the bad. You just better be on the right side of the change.

But God In Your Life

Remember when we talked about praying without faith for others? I do believe it can work when we pray for ourselves too. And let me explain why.

We may be in the midst of our darkest despair. We may be going through something that we cannot deal with at all.   We may want to pack it in and just give up on life, on our situation, even on God.

If you tell people you have given up on God, the reaction from most is ‘how dare you?’ Or how can you possibly say that. Trust me, I have been in those situations and had people look like they wanted to slap me.  But, God understands.

He lived a human life. He knows how it feels. The prophets of old are even described as being of like passions such as we are. They got mad, they cried, they felt rejected.  They had their moments of not trusting God as well and yet they were used of God in mighty ways. So, when someone says if we ‘do not have faith we should not bother to pray, ‘ IGNORE THEM!

If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13

So you see, even if we do not have the faith to believe, God does. When someone asks for prayer, regardless of the situation, they are displaying at least a morsel of faith, and when you agree to pray, then you are giving them even more faith, even if you have your own doubts. So, there is always a reason to pray for someone else.

Who knows, it might even be what you need to get your own victory.

We may not expect or even believe in a good result but we have to remember it is not up to us.

The disciples were headed to the other side of sea. Jesus was tired and went to sleep in the bottom of the boat. A storm arose, and whipped the boat around, lightning, thunder crashing, waves overflowing the boat. They were afraid. Most of us would have been.

This took place after Jesus fed 5000 with just a little boys lunch so you would have thought the disciples would have had plenty of faith, but they too were human. This wasn’t breaking up morsels of food, this was a storm that could take their lives.

These were men who walked and talked with Jesus on a daily basis. They knew Him in the personal relationship that most of us wish we could have. Surely, we would react differently?

In their fear, they woke him up. He arose, rebuked the wind, calmed the sea and there was peace upon the waters.  The situation had been scary to the point of death. We have all been there too. But God stepped in and it was all calm.

I remember several years ago a teen girl was in a very bad car wreck. She had severe head trauma, paralyzed on one side, was in a coma, on life support and the doctors were doing everything they could to keep her alive.

She lived on the machines with oxygen being forced into her lungs,  remaining in the coma for several months. Family members, ministers would go visit her and pray, and talk to her and be positive in the room because they say coma patients can hear what you say.

Finally, the family and the doctors both agreed that there was nothing they could do to change her situation. There didn’t seem to be any brainwave activity, she was basically laying on the bed not moving, the only sounds in the room were the beeps and hums of the machines that kept her breathing. They decided to take her off the machines and oxygen.

About an hour later she woke up.  She still had some difficulties with motor skills being partially paralyzed, but she was alive. Her eyes were open, and she could interact with the doctors, family, and friends. She went back to school.

She ended up graduating high school with honors.

Life for her seemed hopeless. It seemed over. There was nothing anyone could do. But God…

Let God

When God steps into the picture your situation is going to change. One way or other change is coming.

Facing sickness, even death? Financial needs? Relationship problems? Need a job? Discouraged? Lost in sin?

Whatever the circumstance may be, we can only do so much, and most things are simply out of our control. There may not be anything we can do about it. It is easy to get upset, worry, let our emotions get the best of us and most of the time we just try and take care of everything on our own, after all ‘we know best.’

But God can transform the situation. He can taken the most dire circumstance and make it turn out for His glory. Give it to Him. Get your victory!

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The Birthing of Revival

I am praying that this year is a Year of Restoration. I truly desire that God works in my life and brings his deliverance and healing into my body and spirit.

I also want revival in my city as I mentioned in a previous blog posting. It has become a passion for me, a burden even, to reach others.  I ran across a message I heard a little while ago and felt like sharing it. The speaker is Sis. Bobbye Wendell.

The Birthing of Revival

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Struggling...

Sleep has been fleeting lately; partly because I haven't felt well, partly because there are things that are disturbing me. My nights for the most part leave me with more questions than answers.

For many, I am sure the situation is very similar. There are decisions we have to make in our lives, and the thoughts we are bombarded with have grown astronomical in size. It seems impossible to go on, and yet, impossible to keep up the fight. My soul cried out in anguish in the middle of the night. The loneliness, the feeling of rejection, and the doubts that can enter our mind in the midst of the battle.

It seems there is something different in the air, and while I cannot place my finger on it, it troubles me deeply. I am sure could attribute it to my health, my family, or perhaps the changes that are about to take place in my personal life. But to me it seems like more than that. I find myself tonight questioning God.

Why does this or that happen? Why does it seem like some with little thought for God prosper while others whose main desire is to live for God and do his will, seem to be bashed around like driftwood in the sea?

I am bewildered at the precipice my life seems to be hanging on, and yet deep inside me I know I have to hang on for just a little while more. I do not understand why God doesn't come with a vengence. I do not understand why he lets the righteous suffer, while the unrighteous seem to get away with everything. It seems like the entire church world has gone cold in spirit, including us, and yet instead of banding together and praying as a body, we go our seperate ways standing alone in the midst of it all. It isn't supposed to be like this.

I know I am not alone in my feelings. I know many are struggling with the why me's, the please Lord's, and the hopelessness that seems to be abounding. We are told in our churches that we just need to pray, hang on, hope, or some other cliche, while in our hearts we are emotionally bleeding out. We don't want to continue going to church. We don't want to fellowship with each other. We don't want to try and help a brother or sister out. We have become shallow in our respect for each other, and it is filtering down to our children and their respect for us and God.

But, no one seems willing to step up an do anything about it. Everyone seems afraid they will get their hands dirty if they stoop to lift a brother. The bible says if the righteous scarcely be saved, wherewith shall the unrighteous. Yet, we have closed our hearts, our minds, and yes our wallets to the work of God.

And it seems God has walked away from us as well.

Tonight I remembered a song Sis. Mickey Mangun used to sing. I tried to find a copy of it online but was unable. But essentially a few lines say;

"Only the sound of the trumpet
keeps me from going home
If things had been left up to me
I'd have been gone a long time ago
I am ready to fly away,
oh so anxious for the rapture day,
everything is in order
my record is straight,
Can't anybody understand?
I just can't wait . . ."

I truly feel that way tonight. I do not want to be a part of this anymore. I want to go where I am welcomed with open arms. I want to know that when I am in the supermarket, that friendly christian faces smile when they see me. I want to hear my phone ring when I am missing service, or even when I am not to someone inviting me to have dinner at their house. I want to hear laughter and joy as we gather together in fellowship with those who believe the way we do. I want to come together in God's house in one accord and see the mighty masjesty of his anointing fall. It never seems to be that way though.

We go about our lives to preoccupied with where we have to be; what we have to get done; how we must succeed in our jobs, schools, lives, until there isn't room for anyone else to feel welcome.

And yet, some do not understand why I want to go home? I am tired of the lonely nights. I am tired of pouring myself out on the altar only to find just a few days later it wasn't enough for the trials I must face that day. I have been in this fellowship of believers for entirely too long to feel unwelcome. I am tired of politics rearing its ugly head in our ministries. I am tired of a little praise and worship being enough. And I am wondering if I feel this way, then what about the new convert? What about those struggling who have only been in church for a little while? What about those who have been longing for God, yet cannot find him?

We used to be the storehouse of mercy. We used to be known for friendship and fellowship, when fellowship wasn't about just going to Applebees after service. We used to be looked at as peculiar in our dress, mannerisms, and worship. I remember years ago a message being preached, and the speaker spoke of going with some of the saints door knocking. He knocked on an elderly lady's door to invite her to church, and her question to him was "Do you still preach it like you used to?"

Now we are more caught up in personality and programs. It is about whose (pastor) church we go to instead of where we worship. It is about hearing this one or that one preach and the excitement we feel when they come to where we are, when the bible says the gifts were poured out to all who believe. Are they the only ones who still have enough faith to see God move. Do we need to take another offering to support this or that cause, when we have people going to hell on the church pews?

I am certain some would think I am too critical, or that I have lost touch, or my burden isn't where it ought to be. But my heart is grieving for what we were. My mind is overwhelmed with the ground we have lost in our desire to do the right thing. It seems like we have lost our focus on what really matters, and yet you wonder why I do not want to be here anymore?
I have heard for almost fourteen years how no one really understands the trial, but that somehow I have to find faith to believe that this battle I am struggling with shall pass, or at the very least, when I see glory I will understand why I must endure. I have heard the accusations of lack of faith and even rebellion when my body was writhing in pain, and when my spirit was broken, if I questioned the situation I found myself in.

I know it is not about the trial. I know it is not significant in the greater scheme of things. I know that someday things will be better. However, I am also looking at the destruction of those I hold dear to my heart. I am seeing those who at one time were strong in faith, falling like flys who have been sprayed with a toxic fog. I am hearing the cries of backsliders in the night, and the calloused echo of 'if they really loved God' makes me want to hurl.

We have to find some way of getting back to where we need to be. I know that all the past was not good, but there were many ministries we did just a few years ago that worked. Now they are tossed aside as not in keeping with today's world. We have become focused on the technological aspects of church, more than the pure and undefiled worship of almighty God.

So I am asking God, why? How much longer should you tarry til we all are lost? How many more have to slip from the bounds of grace until there is no hope left and they go out into eternity lost without you? How much more shall we endure before you step in and say "enough?"

Can these bones live? Lord, only thou knowest. But please bring the wind again, or blow your trumpet, so we can go home.

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