More Than...

In the church I attend in Alaska one of the duties I have is leading prayer meetings and give direction on what I have learned, or am learning about prayer. Sometimes, I talk about how to pray, but each month I also write a newsletter in which I attempt to give some keys or insight to a greater prayer life. I had planned to do the same this month, but the Lord woke me up in the middle of the night with this message and I would like to share it with you.

We would have to be locked up in some closet not to recognize that this is the holiday season. Our lives are filled with spending time with family and friends, running to the stores, pushing our way thru the crowds, or even getting up entirely too early to attempt to get that one item that Walmart has marked down in a marketing scheme to get us in the door. They may only have one of two of these items that are gone first thing as the crowd pushes their way in, but it gets us in the doors, and then we end up spending more than we can afford on items we won't even remember a week or two after Christmas is over, with the exception of the bills.

It is also the time of year, when regardless of our personal religious beliefs, we can find displays and ornaments, and our thoughts turn to the birth of Christ. I realize we can get easily caught up in all the commercialization, Santa Claus, and all the amazing food items that never seem to be out except at this time of year, but for most of us we also remember the baby in the manger.

When Jesus was born it wasn't in a hospital; he didn't have doctors, and Mary didn't go through prenatal classes. There wasn't a sterile room with rubber gloves and gowns abundant. He didn't even have a midwife to deliver him. The bible doesn't specify who delivered Jesus, but only exclaims that he was born. We know he was born in a borrowed stable. We know that they laid him in a manger which the reality is, was the place the cattle got their food. He didn't have pressed linen sheets, or even a pillow. He will forever be known as the baby in the manger. For some of us, that is all we see him as, just the baby in the manger. Saints been down in awe to this baby; this icon of what is good about all of us before we are corrupted with cares of life, and we esteem him as a miracle and perfect. While we all seem amazed by his birth, some of us stop right there and never see him as anything else, but he is so much more than the baby in the manger.

Scripture and tradition teach us that Joseph was a carpenter, and thus when Jesus came of age it was only common for the sons to learn the trade of their father. Jesus probably spent untold hours sweeping, sanding, putting together wood to make something of use. In those days, carpenters not only helped in construction of housing, but also in the very furniture that would be in that house. Jesus may have had his own work bench where he would carve, saw, and hammer a piece of wood into something of use. Perhaps he made chairs or tables, and many of his day only saw him as the carpenter's son. He was so much more than a carpenter's son though, and history has told us so.

We read that he went about doing good, teaching in the synagogues and on the hillsides. He astounded the teachers and theologians at an early age with his knowledge of laws and scripture. There are many passages that speak of him as a rabbi, or teacher, and he could tell stories with the best taking the examples from life as he would instruct those who listened in steps to lead a productive, successful life. He taught so even the little children could understand how they should go about their day and grow into adulthood with purpose. If he was alive today, I am certain he would be on the best seller list, and people would buy his self help books to go on the shelf with all the other wisdom that ends up there. He was a great teacher, and some would spend hours, go without food even just to hear him teach, but he was so much more than just a teacher.

Some didn't come to hear him teach, but rather to see what he would do. To many he was a magician, a seer, a miracle worker. They came to watch the show, or perhaps even be involved in it. We read with astonishment and maybe even a smile about the time he fed the five thousand, or when he raised Jarius daughter from the dead. See, they knew where to come when they had problems, when they didn't know where else to turn. Even his closest flowerers, his disciples, whom he would teach more in-depth, who should have realized that he was giving them a great gift, saw him many times as just the one who could fix things when they were in trouble. To most, he was just the one who did the miracles, but he was so much more than the miracle worker.

I have had a copy of the passion movie on my desk for more than a year. I have planned to watch it. I have heard many stories about how close the real deal it must have been. The scenes of agony and and powerful testament of what took place has been shown by Hollywood to be more real than ever before. I like anyone else have seen bits and pieces online, but I often wonder why I never seem to have time to watch the movie. It has went with me on several airline flights but remained in my bag, and someday I will watch it, but he is so much more than just the depiction of his struggles with humanity and praying in the garden, tempted and abused by the people of his day.

We can read the passages of scripture ourselves, where he wanted someone to just pray with him for an hour when the religious right of his day conspired with the government to do away with this man that is upsetting their plans. We read about how he was beaten, carried his own cross up a criminal's trail to a hill where they hammered nails into his hands and feet and stuck him in a hole, naked before all humanity, to die for his transgressions of trying to help others. History has cleaned up the story; it was so much more brutal than we can imagine, and they have given us and image of this pretty cross with a man hanging on it dressed in some sort of garment as he died there on Golgotha.

I can relate with most people as to the power of the cross, and many of us have preached about it, and some religious entities have made the cross into an icon that they hang on the wall, wear around their neck, or put in a place of honor in their cathedrals. They look to the image of a man hanging on a cross to find strength in times of trouble, to restore hope, and as a companion, while most of the time, the words of this man sit idly on a shelf somewhere collecting dust. At Christmas, or any time of the year you can find all sorts of icons, images, idols of Jesus on the cross, or the cross itself as a reminder of what he did for us. While it is a powerful image, he isn't that little idol; he isn't on that cross you carry around, and even though he died on a cross and we all know he rose again, he is so much more than the man on the cross.

Most of us make an effort to attend some sort of worship service each week, where we will sing, pray, listen to someone talk about some passage in the bible that is usually meant to be uplifting and a way to feel the humanity of Jesus. We tell the different bible stories of old, how David killed the giant, Jonah and his big fish, Jesus walking on the water. We sing songs praising his name, his blood, the significance of the price he paid as we embrace who he was, and how his life has changed the destiny of most who listen. A lot of us get this idea that if we go to church on Sunday, and listen to the preacher then we become good people, and of course good people go to heaven. There were times when we listened and our hearts were pierced with the suffering of our savior, but these days of more modern influences, it has become more about the social aspects, the gathering together, and perhaps the prayer for our needs. We reflect on Jesus, and we have ministers who can make him come alive with stories, but the truth of the matter is Jesus is more than what we do on Sunday.

I am sure by now, some are a bit rattled in what I am writing, and yes I do believe he is all of these things. I myself have known him as a healer. I depend on him to supply my needs. The scriptures tell us to. We are taught to cast our cares on him; trust in the Lord with all our might; if we have a need to take it to him. Growing up in a preacher's home I saw many miracles over the years. Broken bodies have been healed by the power of his name; families have been put back together; in times of dire financial straits, somehow the money has just been there. Even now I pray for my own healing and restoration of my body, spirit, life, and ministry after some terrible circumstances have changed my life forever. I pray for my family and friends, all the while believing that God is going to give them what they need. God has shown me revival in churches soon to come. He has showed me that certain people I know are going to be healed to such a magnitude that right now they are not able to comprehend it. He has shown me things that are set to transpire in my own life, that even I have a hard time accepting. He is so many things to all of us, and yet he is so much more.

More than...
a baby in a manger
a carpenter's son
a good teacher
a prophet
a miracle worker
the man on the cross
the one who rose again
an image on a cross
strength in need
something to do on Sunday
a song or message
a memory of what he has done
a celebration time
even more than our savior
anything we can imagine

He is still more...

It is easy in our circumstances or trials to forget how powerful Jesus really is. Sometimes we become so complacent with the day to day, that we forget him. Even when we are doing good ourselves helping humanity, leading others to him, we can sometimes forget just who he really is.

I used to sing specials in church and there were times when I would feel God leading me to minister in song to let others know he is there. One of my favorite songs was "More than Enough." My dad would play the piano, and I would sing and I would see tears on even the most wounded spirit as they remembered that he really is enough to take care of their circumstance. Many times if we are not in the midst of the trial, then we tend to overlook the power of his deity, the strength he gives in the midst of the storms and that welcome hug when we have nowhere else to turn to. If we haven't been thru times of crisis, we cannot really appreciate just how "More than.." he really can be.

I used to hear people talk about how Jesus was this or that, and many times to me I didn't fully get it. I knew he could do anything; I knew he healed; I knew he supplied; I knew he saved, but I didn't fully grasp just how 'more than..' he really was until I faced hardships in my own personal life. Faced with situations in which I had no control I agonized over how I was going to make it. It seemed just when one part of life got better another part got worse, and it has been a long battle. There have been days I thought I couldn't get out of bed anymore; days where I questioned God and his methods; situations where I really just felt like giving up. I still face things that I don't have the answers to, I don't know the outcome, and can be very fearful. However, in the midst of all of this, there is a depth in God that I feel that I could not have known had I not been thru that trial.

I know some are going thru devastating illness and burdens that seem to have no end, but I am living proof to say, he is More than Enough.

He's more than enough, more than enough,
He is el shaddi, the God of plenty,
The all sufficient one, God almighty,
He is more than enough.

No matter the trial you are in, no matter the questions you have about God, no matter what others might think about God, He is more than enough for any situation. He is more than just a baby in a manger.

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When God Isn't Enough

I am sure some have seen the title and already are judging and saying that God is always enough, but before you respond, read what I have written.
We preach it, sing it, shout it from the mountains that God is enough. He has the ability to carry us, provide, deliver, heal, and provide all we need. While that is true, there are times when God is not enough.

Maybe to some I am having a pity party, but I am not alone in that.

I am going thru things right now that are crushing me beneath the weight. Some of you may know some of it; very few know most of it, and no one knows all of it, but me and God. As a general rule, I stay vague about myself. I am not looking for sympathy, and I do my best to keep my private life private. I guess in a way you could say I am bipolar, because what most of you know about me online is not the complete me if you knew me personally. However, I will not share all of it, but there are times when God is not enough, and I want to explain why I feel that way. I do this with great trepidation but, I am tired of bottling it up.

I have had health issues a long, long time. Almost fourteen years have gone by since I found myself going from healthy, comfortable, and constantly ministering, to where I was too sick to get off a couch. It was a literal hell. Doctors couldn't figure it out. Family and friends walked away, and the church... well they acted like I was a leper. I won't go into more of that now, but maybe someday.

After several years of the loneliness that comes from multiple health issues and people not knowing what to say when God doesn't heal, a friend came into my life. She was apostolic, involved in a music ministry, and at the time she became my everything. Within a few months she rescued me and took me to where she lived, married me of course, and changed my life forever. I loved her children as my own, and for the past several years, they have been my children.

Somehow, we ended up back where I was from, and we came with no preconditions. Since my wife was vey musically talented, she offered to help, and I offered to help any way I could. I had at one time assisted the former pastor. I knew the ropes. I could offer advice, or do whatever was asked of me. Somehow, they got the idea, not from us, that we were there to 'take over' as someone so nicely put it. That was never the plan, there was no plan. However, from that moment, we were treated as outsiders from most in the church and especially the pastor. I didn't understand it. I tried to pray about it, seek advice, but none of it mattered.

I did what I could, but I sat on the sidelines and watched that church die. Oh, it still has a pulse, but its not at all what it used to be, or what it could be. Don't offer to help though. Unless you have deep pockets you won't be considered.
I know I sound bitter, and perhaps I am a little.

Anyhow, over the past couple years, after seeking the mind of God about leaving, staying, or what to do in general, my wife and I decided to start a church. It wasn't just about how we were treated, people were showing up at our house who we didn't know and asking us about God. We did a lot of soul searching, tried to leave, prayed for a new minister to come, did everything because we did not want to start trouble.

However, last spring, everything started falling into place. Someone I had never met called and offered to pay six months on a building if I could find one. My wife was excited, telling friends at work, people in the grocery stores, and planning to take a big family photo and splash it all over the newspaper.

It was exciting, we found a building we could use for up to five services a month for $250.00.

Three weeks later, my wife comes home from work, tells me she and the kids are moving to Texas, she has another 'man' and that we should have never been married. Around the same time, the doctors diagnosed me with leukemia.

My whole world crumbled.

I tried to find comfort in the church, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. It was basically non-existant. It still is. Yes, I still go to church, but for the most part I don't see any reason to. The few people at church who do talk to me are 'praying for you.' Although there are those who tell me the leukemia and the divorce is because I am in rebellion to the pastor, or that I must be running from God.

Please understand, I know I am not the only one who goes through trials, I know I am not the only one who is sick. I also know that when I had friends going through things, I was there for them. I do not understand why they cannot be there for me.

There is a lot of things I do not understand, and yet, his word gives direction to issues like these but it seems that part of the bible does not matter.

Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

I guess what I am trying to say is we cannot pick and choose which scriptures we listen to. I have served God my entire life. I grew up on a church pew, I have been a minister, evangelist, sunday school teacher and director, youth pastor, and on and on. Yet, I am like so much drivel tossed aside when trouble came to me.

And I wonder, is it just me? Did I do something to deserve this? Or is this how everyone from new convert to elderly saint gets treated when the 'church' doesn't know what to say?

You don't know how it will change someone's life to invite them out for supper. Or perhaps see if they want to go shopping with you, or maybe take them a loaf of home baked bread, or a pie. But instead, we get so caught up in our own lives we neglect the ones who need us the most, because, we must be about the work of the Lord.

Does anyone visit the widows and orphans anymore? Does anyone still visit the sick, the backslider, or send them a card or anything? We can pray til we have no words left to say, but sometimes all that is needed is a listening ear, and it seems no one has that anymore.

I know you think I am whining. Kind of like Elijah did, Moses did, David did, Joseph, Jeremiah, Jonah... and yes, even Jesus was lonely. He just wanted someone to spend a little time with him in prayer, but they couldn't make the effort. We all think we are the one who is different. If we were the one asked.. we'd be the first to do everything to help.

I joined everyonesapostolic with that in mind. I needed someone to confide in. I needed a listening ear, and maybe some advice. I had never been thru a divorce before, let alone leukemia. I knew there were other apostolics online who had been thru things, so I decided to try it out.

I made a couple of 'close' friends who I was willing to listen to and I opened up to them some as well. I was finding strength in the midst of the storm. I had a shoulder to lean upon if only online or a phone call. I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. One called me almost daily to make sure I was doing good; went so far as to invite me to move to where they were, and even had me talk to their child on the telephone. They gave me reason to believe I mattered, and that they wanted to be a part of my life, even if it was hard. But just like always, in a flash they were gone. The three I opened myself up to, trusted, and gave me a glimmer disappeared in the dust.

I guess that is the way it is. Maybe I shouldn't trust anyone. Maybe I should just live a solitary life, because it seems that anyone who gets close to me, God yanks away. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me? But is it really me? Is it God? Or have we become so content with who we have become that we ignore those who need a lift once in a while? Is our own wants so important that we don't care who we hurt in the way to our goal?

I am sure there are some of you after you read this will turn and walk away and I will never hear of you again. Why should you be any different? If we are not always happy go lucky, take it all in stride, don't make waves, then no one wants to get close. I understand that. I don't like negative people.

But I am tired of complacency. I am tired of bottled up anger or grief. I am tired of talking to people who are literally going thru hell and trying to help them out when I have a hell of my own to contend with. I am tired of being vulnerable only to have it shoved in my face. I am tired of hearing about miracles, I want to see one in my own life.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone else? Am I the only one who feels this way? I seriously doubt it.

I guess the answer I have been searching for is to not let anyone close. Just shut my mouth, not make waves, and just take it like a man. Maybe I am just not worthy.

It is a new generation. We are in a sinking ship, and there are only a couple of life preservers left, and no one is willing to take a chance that they are the one who can save someone else. Life perservers can usually hold a lot of weight. Would it hurt to help someone else stay afloat for a bit? All it would take is wrapping your arms around them and letting them know you will help them hang on.

Naw. Let them sink. It's what everyone else does.

Could God create a boat just for them? Sure. Could he bring about a miracle just for the one in need? Sure. Could he change the situation? Sure. But sometimes, he needs our help.

There is nothing like the feeling when that person you brought to church gets the holy ghost. There is nothing like the feeling, when the person you prayed and fasted for gets their miracle. There is nothing like a hug to someone who is lonely.

Can God do it himself. Sure. But just like God cannot make anyone love him, he cannot make anyone love us. There are times when even God isn't enough.

He hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief.

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